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          ?The other girls glanced at each other and mumbled or nodded their heads. Daria said nothing, only watching.

          ?“I said,?shouted the new teacher, her eyes aflame, “do you all understand me??o:p>

          ?“Yes!?Daria and the other girls shouted, though not as loudly as before.

          ?The rear line immediately turned and headed for the gym door. The other girls broke into low giggles and chatter, turning around, too. Daria glanced at the teacher, who turned in place—and then grimaced and reached down for her right thigh. An instant later, she jerked her hands back, straightened, and forced the muscles in her face to relax. Daria noticed she was balancing on her left leg, taking pressure off her right.

          ?Daria was still looking at the new teacher when the girl behind her shoved her in the middle of her back and hissed, “Move it!?Daria stumbled forward, arms flailing to regain her balance. The rest of the line ahead of her had already run for the gym door. Daria kept herself from falling, but her glasses fell off and clattered across the wooden floor. Panicked, she ran after them but could see nothing clearly through the great colorful blur the world had suddenly become. She got down on her hands and knees, feeling about. The other girls snickered as they ran out of the gym.

          ?Daria spotted a dark blurry streak that turned out to be her glasses, but the damaged earpiece had broken away from the frame. Her panic growing, she found the earpiece and tried to put it back on, but it was impossible.

          ?A pair of blurry white running shoes and red-clad legs—one limping slightly—entered her field of vision from the right.

          ?“They broken??said the new teacher, somewhere above Daria’s head.

          ?Daria got up. She was painfully aware of her cramps again, on top of everything else.?“Yeah,?she said, preparing herself to be yelled at. “It’s Monday, all right. May I put tape on it before I go??o:p>

          ?“I don’t have any tape in the office at the moment. Here, give ‘em to me.?Daria did, and the teacher tucked them into a pocket in her red pants. “We’ll fix ‘em when we get back. Can you see without ‘em??o:p>

          ?Daria shook her head. “Not very well. I’m really nearsighted.?o:p>

          ?“Okay,?said the teacher. Her voice was friendlier now for some reason. “Tell you what—you be my assistant for now, okay? Here.?She handed Daria her clipboard and paperwork. “What’s your name??br>           ?“Daria Morgendorffer.?o:p>

          ?“Daria. I like that name. You walk out with me. I can’t jog now like they can.?o:p>

          ?Daria nodded quick agreement, and they went out through the gym door together. The other girls were far ahead, heading across the parking lot for the football field.

          ?The new teacher’s limp was pronounced as she walked. Her face showed a certain strain. “It’s not always this bad,?she said. “Weather’s changing, that’s all.?o:p>

          ?“You tried out for the Olympics??Daria asked, her curiosity overcoming her instincts.

          ?“Yeah. Got that close to it, too.?o:p>

          ?“What happened??o:p>

          ?“Oh, it was stupid. I tripped in a workshop and knocked an anvil over on my leg. I screamed to wake the dead, I tell you. Busted my knee all to pieces.?o:p>

          ?Daria looked up at the blur of the teacher’s face. Her red hair, in a shaggy pixie cut, gleamed in the bright morning sun. “An anvil??o:p>

          ?“Yeah. I like to do metal crafts now and then. It’s my hobby. My family’s big into one kind of art or the other.?o:p>

          ?Daria nodded, scanning the parking lot ahead of her to make sure she didn’t fall over anything and hurt her own knees. “May I ask you something??she said.

          ?“Sure. What is it??o:p>

          ?“You said there were four things that would piss you off. You didn’t say what the fourth one was.?o:p>

          ?The teacher laughed. “You’re right,?she said, “I forgot. It’s my name. I hate it when people make fun of my name.?She laughed again. “I forgot to tell everyone my name, too, didn’t I??o:p>

          ?Daria nodded. “I don’t think anyone else noticed,?she said.

          ?“It’s my first day. Figures I’d do that. I’m Ms. Lane. Penny’s my first name, Penny Lane. Like the Beatles?song, you know? I guess my parents liked it or something.?o:p>

          ?“Oh,?said Daria solemnly. She immediately understood the teacher’s problem. “Some of the other kids call me Diarrhea,?she said, staring at the asphalt as she walked.

          ?“They call you Diarrhea instead of Daria??o:p>

          ?“You get used to it after a few years,?Daria said. They were across the parking lot now. The football field was not far ahead.

          ?“Well,?said Ms. Lane, “like I said, life sucks. You can’t control other people, especially the stupid ones, and man, there are a buttload of them around, aren’t there? Life sucks, but we have to make it un-suck as best we can. That’s all we can do.?o:p>

          ?Daria thought this over. It made sense. How it would actually work in specifics was unclear, but the basic idea was good.

          ?“What do you want me to do??she asked Ms. Lane.

          ?“Just stay with me,?said Ms. Lane with a smile, “and don’t worry about a thing.?o:p>

*?*?*

          ?Being Ms. Lane’s assistant had distinct advantages. Though Daria had to participate in most calisthenics with the rest of the students, the teacher called her out to carry things, keep time with a stopwatch (held inches from her face), use her cell phone to call the main school office with questions about schedules and equipment on order, and perform other minor duties. Coach Buzzcut had also used the reliable Daria as a class helper, but not to this extent. Daria got considerable satisfaction from seeing her classmates sweating rivers while she stood calm and cool in the shade of a telephone pole, timing laps around the football field. Daria hardly thought about her cramps at all.

          ?“Is Daria going to run, too??one of her classmates gasped to Ms. Lane before collapsing on the grass.

          ?“Don’t you worry about her,?said Ms. Lane darkly. “She pulls her weight. Now, get up off your hind end and walk it off before your legs seize up. I swear, you kids are lazier than my little brother, and he sleeps all damn day. Get up!?o:p>

          ?Even after Daria’s glasses were fixed that week, Ms. Lane kept her on as the girls?phys-ed class assistant. Already a social outcast, Daria was not inconvenienced by the nasty looks her classmates gave her, but she was also careful not to lord it over the other students. By late October, everyone accepted the new order of things.

          ?“The principal told me you got to meet Bill Clinton last year,?Ms. Lane said as they watched the other students run an obstacle course.

          ?“Yeah.?Daria was surprised the teacher brought it up. “I asked him about school funding.?o:p>

          ?“What’d he say??o:p>

          ?“Um . . .?Daria felt herself turn red. “I don’t remember. Things were kind of confused that day.?o:p>

          ?“Yeah, I heard about that. Good thing they put those two boys in special ed. Mainstreaming’s good when you can do it, but sometimes you can’t. So, what’d you think of him??o:p>

          ?“The President??o:p>

          ?“Yeah.?o:p>

          ?Daria thought. “He . . . he was kind of charming, but I didn’t know if he was really charming or being . . .?o:p>

          ?“A politician.?o:p>

          ?Daria looked up, her face clearing. “Yeah.?o:p>

          ?A muscle twitched in Ms. Lane’s jaw. “I used to hate ‘em, politicians. I blamed ‘em for everything. Politicians, teachers, police, everybody in authority. I thought everything sucked, and it was all their fault. I used to think Mount St. Helens?blowing up was the Oregon governor’s fault. Kind of funny to look back at it now.?o:p>

          ?Ms. Lane stared out at the girls struggling through the obstacle course. She sighed heavily. “I had a teacher once, back in high school, and she was the meanest thing. Ms. Morris, I still remember her. She rode me like a mule, yelling at me about my attitude, telling me I had to be a joiner and get some school spirit, or else she’d do whatever. That ate me up, listening to her go on like that every day.?o:p>

          ?She shook her head. Daria watched her in silence. “Then one day,?said Ms. Lane, “Ms. Morris told me she was sending me out for a track meet, whether I wanted to go or not. I could run pretty good, but I didn’t want to run just because she told me to. I was so mad, I took off one night and hid out in a little park so I could think it all out. I could either say no and suffer through whatever punishment Morris gave me, or I could show that tin-plated bitch that I could take anything she could dish out, prove that I was better than her.?She looked down at Daria. “You know what I did??o:p>

          ?Daria shook her head no.

          ?“I flipped a coin.?Ms. Lane grinned, watching the other students. “I found a penny and flipped it for my future. Ironic, isn’t it? Penny with a penny. Kinda stupid, too. It came up heads, and I decided right there to stick it out. I went to the track meet, just like she told me, and I ran that thing and I won it. And I ran again and I kept winning, till there wasn’t anything I couldn’t do at that school. Ms. Morris had to get off my back then, because the principal kicked her ass if I even hinted that Morris was getting under my skin. She ate a lot of crow after that, Ms. Morris did. I showed her good.?o:p>

          ?Ms. Lane took a deep breath and let it out. “I showed myself, though, is what I really did. I was ready to split out of the country after high school, head down to Central America and sell handmade crafts, do something like that, whatever. I wanted out in the worst way, but that’s what it would have been, getting out in the worst way. I stayed and fought it out on their terms and made the battle mine. I won the fight with Ms. Morris, but when it was over, I was happy just for myself. No one could ever push me around again, because I was worth something. I stood up for myself instead of running away.?o:p>

          ?They stood under the cloudy sky in silence for several minutes. The cool wind blew Daria’s hair across her face.

          ?“My family does a lot of that running away,?said Ms. Lane, her voice sad. “I miss ‘em now. I didn’t used to, but now I do. I got an older brother and older sister, and a younger brother and younger sister. The older ones are losers. They’re pitiful, all messed up. The younger ones . . . I don’t know. Trent’s kinda so-so. Jane’s doing the best of all of ‘em. She’s got a good head. Reminds me of you a little. I should go see them sometime soon, maybe for the holidays. I wish we’d all been closer when we were living at home, but it was too easy to get messed up, with Mom and Dad gone so much and never helping out. You gotta work at getting along with your family, or it all goes to hell. I really wish—”

          ?Ms. Lane picked up her whistle and blew it, limping toward the obstacle course. “Hey!?she yelled. “Didn’t I tell you no kicking? Well, what the hell do you think you were doing, then??o:p>

*?*?*

          ?Ms. Lane was gone over Thanksgiving vacation. The Monday after that, she was back. It was too cold to go outside, so she had the phys-ed class do volleyball competitions, which the class enjoyed.

          ?“I need your help, if you don’t mind,?Ms. Lane told Daria when she came out of the locker room. “You’re good with numbers, and I can’t do anything with them. Do you mind helping me with the budget??o:p>

          ?“Sure,?said Daria. Beats volleyball, she thought, and they went to Ms. Lane’s glassed-in office next to the gym, leaving the door open so they could hear the other students as well as see them.

          ?“Damn school,?Ms. Lane grumbled, taking a seat at her desk. “I don’t know where the money’s going, but it sure ain’t coming here. Feel like I waste my time coming in every day. I can’t get basketballs, I can’t get soccer balls, I have to steal everything from the boys?equipment shed ‘cause they won’t give the girls a break. We’ve got Title Nine, damn it, I shouldn’t have to do this.?She stopped and put her elbows on her desktop, her hands covering her face. “I’m sorry, don’t listen to me. I’m in a bad mood.?o:p>

          ?“Do you need Midol??Daria asked, then realized she’d missed the point entirely.

          ?Ms. Lane laughed and dropped her hands. “Nah, that’s not it.?She leaned back in her chair and stared out the windows at the volleyball game. “It’s not that,?she said again, then she was silent for a long moment.

          ?“You got a little sister, right??Ms. Lane suddenly asked, not looking at Daria.

          ?“Quinn,?said Daria, puzzled. “She’s in eighth grade. She’s kind of a pain.?o:p>

          ?“Okay, but your parents take care of her, right??o:p>

          ?Daria hesitated, sensing a major issue was at hand. “I usually call it giving in to her every whim, but yeah, they take care of her.?o:p>

          ?“Okay. Suppose one day,?said Ms. Lane, “you went home and found your sister in a dirty house with no food, nobody else at home, no power on because your parents were off somewhere and didn’t have the brains to pay the electric bills, your worthless little brother out with his band practicing in someone’s garage, and this was the day before Thanksgiving when you came home and saw all this.?She turned to Daria with a burning gaze. “Now, would that just about piss you off like nothing else in the whole damn world??o:p>

          ?Daria’s mouth fell open. “Jane? Your little sister Jane??o:p>

          ?“Little Jane, as old as you are, upstairs painting in her room with a blanket around her for warmth, eating a bag of stale potato chips the day before Thanksgiving because there’s not a thing left to eat in the house.?Ms. Lane suddenly leaned forward and her right fist slammed into the desktop. “Damn it all to hell!?/i>