Highland
Fling
Text
?003 Roger E. Moore (roger70129@aol.com)
Daria and associated characters are ?003 MTV Networks
Feedback (good, bad, indifferent,
just want to bother me, whatever) is appreciated. Please write to:
roger70129@aol.com
Synopsis: The best night that Daria
ever had in Highland did not start out that way.
Author抯 Notes: This is a multiple crossover story. If you are familiar with the comics of the late 1980s (when Daria and Quinn were under the age of ten), you might enjoy the little trip ahead. It is assumed that the reader is familiar with the major characters of the 揇aria?TV show, so explanations of who is who are not needed. The 揇aria?episode 揃oxing Daria?was used as a major source of information on the Morgendorffers?home life in Highland; this story takes place before the traumatic events in 揃oxing Daria.?o:p>
Acknowledgements: My gratitude goes out to
the creators of the sources of the crossovers listed at the end of this story.
Too bad I couldn抰 include 揟he Far Side?
牋牋牋牋牋?揙kay, girls, here you go!?Helen Morgendorffer said cheerfully as she placed the serving dish of steaming lasagna on the dining room table in front of them. 揊resh from the microwave!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria and Quinn stared at the dish with identical expressions of dismay. 揗om-MEEE!?Quinn cried. 揑t抯 too hot! I can抰 eat this!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揕et it cool, then eat it!?Helen tossed the oven mitts on a countertop, then stripped off her apron, revealing her formal evening dress. She hurried out of the dining room. 揓ake! Are you ready??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑t抯 still too hot!?Quinn yelled
after her mother.
牋牋牋牋牋?揂nd it smells,?Daria whispered,
wrinkling her nose.
牋牋牋牋牋?揂nd it smells bad!?Quinn
yelled. She grabbed the collar of her pink t-shirt and raised it over her nose
and mouth for protection.
牋牋牋牋牋?換uinn, now stop it!?Helen called from the master bedroom. 揇aria, go ahead and give some lasagna to your sister.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揋ladly,?Daria muttered, picking up the serving spoon. 揌ere, you get six big power shovels full.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揈www! Mom-MEEE!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揋irls, I don抰 have time for this!?Helen came back into the dining room, fixing her earrings. 揧our father and I want you to be on your best behavior with the babysitter tonight. We won抰 be back until late, so do what she says and don抰 wait up for us.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揇aria抯 trying to make me sick!?Quinn yelled. 揝he put twenty big shovels full of棓
牋牋牋牋牋?換uinn, stop it! Daria, take some of that lasagna and put it on your plate!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria made a face and scooped a third of a teaspoonful from Quinn抯 plate to her own. She wiped her fingers on her green t-shirt. 揗om,?said Daria, 搕his is the third time this week we抳e had lasagna from the microwave. Are we always going to have lasagna? Can抰 we have pizza instead??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揕asagna抯 good for you,?Helen said, hurrying back to the bedroom. 揂nd it抯 cheap! Jake, are you out of the bathroom yet? They抮e going to be here any minute!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑 hope we get a good babysitter,?Daria said under her breath. She poked a fork at the speckled orange lump of lasagna on her plate, then put her fork down and pushed her glasses up on her nose with a fingertip. 揘ot an evil one who uses chainsaws on little kids after they go to sleep.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揝top saying that!?Quinn yelled. 揟hey do not!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揗ost of them don抰, but some do. They wait until you抮e fast asleep, then they get their chainsaws and棓 Daria mimicked yanking a starter cord 摋brrrrRRRRRRR!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揗om-MEEE!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揋irls, you抮e driving me crazy!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?The doorbell rang at that moment.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑抣l get it!?Daria and Quinn
screamed at the same instant. They jumped down from their chairs and ran for
the front door, pushing and grabbing all the way to ensure that each was the
first to arrive.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑抣l get it!?Helen called, but she
was fixing her hair and far too late.
牋牋牋牋牋?The door opened to reveal a handsome
woman of about forty, in an executive-cut gray-and-green outfit. Her blonde
bangs hung to her shoulders. She saw the two little girls and smiled. 揧ou must
be Quinn and Dora,?she said in a warm voice.
牋牋牋牋牋?揧eah!?cried Quinn, all smiles and
cuteness.
牋牋牋牋牋?揇aria,?said Daria with a dark
look.
牋牋牋牋牋?揗om-MEEE!?Quinn ran from the door to her parents?bedroom. 揟he babysitter抯 here!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?The woman winced. 揑抦 sorry, Daria,?she said, looking mortified. 揑 should have made sure I got your name right before I got here. Your sister paid me back, though. I抦 not really the babysitter.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揅ome in,?Daria muttered, stepping
back from the door.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑n my business,?the woman said as she came in, 搚ou have to get everyone抯 name right the first time, or else you never get back on the right foot.?She reached in a pocket of her vest and pulled out a roll of candy. 揑 was saving this for my little boy Jeff, but you deserve it, Daria.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟hank you,?Daria said, taking the candy. She closed the door. 揥ho are you??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, I抦 Joanie Caucus.?She put out
her hand, and Daria gravely shook it. 揑抦 a lawyer with the Justice
Department, in Congresswoman Davenport抯 office in Washington. Your mother
helped us a bit with a big case last month, and I was棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, Joanie!?Helen rushed into the room. 揇aria, go back to the kitchen with your sister and finish dinner. Joanie, how nice to see you! What a lovely outfit! So, how do you like Highland??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揌ighland is . . . um, it抯 okay.
Nice meeting you, Daria,?said Ms. Caucus. She waved, and Daria waved back on
her way out. She tucked the candy in a pocket of her black jeans. She decided
to torture Quinn with the knowledge she抎 gotten it and Quinn hadn't, just
before bedtime.
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria got back to the table to find
that Quinn had switched plates and was eating the small lump of lasagna from
Daria抯 former plate, while Daria now had the plate with the mountain of
lasagna on it. Daria elected not to get into a fight with her sister right
there, with Ms. Caucus in hearing range. Instead, she began carefully spooning
lasagna back into the serving dish.
牋牋牋牋牋?揅an抰 do that!?Quinn yelled. 揧ou can抰 do that! I抦 telling!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揘o, you抮e not,?said Daria.
牋牋牋牋牋?揗om-MEEE!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揇on抰 talk to her while she抯 talking to company,?Daria warned. 揑t just makes her mad.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou can抰 put lasagna back!?Quinn said. 揑t抯 got germies on it!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揇ad will eat it,?Daria pointed out. 揇ad will eat anything.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揘o, he won抰! He won抰 eat this!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧es, he will. You know that chili he made that made Mom sick? He ate it. He eats anything.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揓ake!?The girls heard their mother stalking through the house. 揓ake, come out of the bathroom, now!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揇ad抯 in trouble,?Quinn said,
mashing her lasagna flat with her spoon.
牋牋牋牋牋?揇ad抯 already in trouble,?Daria said. 揌e works for Mussolini.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥ho抯 that??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揌e抯 a dictator. We fought him in the Second World War.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥hy does Dad work for him??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?搾Cause he has to.?Daria finished
scraping all but a teaspoonful of lasagna from her plate and carefully used a
knife to shape the top of the lasagna to make it look like no one had taken it
out yet.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑s Muzzleen a bad man??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揌e抯 very bad,?said Daria with
authority. She suspected that her father抯 boss was not the real Mussolini, but
you never knew with adults. President Reagan had once been a movie actor, and
Daria had seen him in Bedtime for Bonzo. She抎 never gotten over it.
That was the President? It made no sense at all.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑s Muzzleen mean to Dad??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧es.?Daria frowned, scooping up the last of the lasagna from her plate. 揇ad hates him.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑抦 done,?said Quinn, who had
mashed her lasagna as flat as paper.
牋牋牋牋牋?揗e, too,?said Daria. They got down
from their chairs and picked up the plates and silverware, putting them next to
the sink. Daria carried the empty glasses over next.
牋牋牋牋牋?揇id a babysitter ever use a
chainsaw on anybody??Quinn asked nervously, not looking at Daria.
牋牋牋牋牋?揓ust the boy babysitters,?said Daria. 揟he girl babysitters use axes, like Lizzie Borden.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?The doorbell rang again.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑抳e got it!?Quinn screamed as she
ran from the kitchen. Daria walked behind her, thinking how unfair it was that someone
would be mean to her dad. He was so tense and yelled so much. It wasn抰 fair.
牋牋牋牋牋?No one was in the living room when
the girls got there. They opened the door with more cooperation this time . . .
and looked up at a thirty-something man with combed black hair, sunglasses, a
wrinkled business suit with one side of his white shirt hanging out of his
pants, and a cigarette dangling from his mouth.
牋牋牋牋牋?揋reat,?said the man, hands jammed in his pockets. 揧ou Munchkins know if this is the Morgensterns?residence??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Quinn looked up with visible fear.
揇o you have a chainsaw??she asked.
牋牋牋牋牋?揕eft it in the car,?he replied. 揑抣l get it for you.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Quinn抯 eyes grew to enormous size.
揗om-MEEE!?she screamed, running from the door.
牋牋牋牋牋?揟his is the Morgendorffers,?Daria said, frowning. 揂nd you can抰 smoke here.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?The man took the cigarette from his mouth and dropped it on the concrete steps, crushing it out with an unpolished shoe. 揟here, happy??he asked. 揧ou wanna check me for drugs next??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑抣l ask,?said Daria, and she shut
the door on him.
牋牋牋牋牋?Helen came into the living room at
that moment, followed by Ms. Caucus and, at a distance, a very anxious Quinn.
揥ho was at the door??she asked Daria.
牋牋牋牋牋?揝ome jerk,?Daria said crossly.
揌e棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揝teve,?said Ms. Caucus, rolling her eyes. 揈veryone says that.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揇idn抰 he come inside??Helen
looked around. 揗r. Dallas??she called to the kitchen.
牋牋牋牋牋?揌e said he抎 wait outside,?said Daria. 揌e was smoking.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, don抰 leave him out there!?Helen ran to the door and opened it. 揝teve! Come in!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧our security midget is very
efficient,?he said, walking in. 揇id she train in Nicaragua with the contras??He looked down at Daria with a sneer, and she glared fiercely at him through
her large, round glasses.
牋牋牋牋牋?揟his is Steve Dallas,?said Helen brightly. 揌e sort of helped Joanie and me a little with a big case last month. This is Daria, and that抯 Quinn, over behind the . . . well, she抯 run away.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou抎 better not be the babysitter,?said Daria, holding her nose. 揧ou stink like cigarettes.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揇aria!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揝orry, kid,?said Mr. Dallas. 揘ot enough hard liquor in the world for me to be your babysitter.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揇aria,?said Helen quickly, 揼o back to the dining room and finish your lasagna.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥e already did.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟hen go to your room and play in your refrigerator box. The babysitter will be here shortly.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria sighed. Ms. Caucus smiled at
her as she walked by, which cheered her. She liked Ms. Caucus. Maybe she would
visit more often.
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria went to her room and noticed
immediately that someone had moved her refrigerator box, which she had
decorated with crayons to look like her own fantasy house梐 house just big
enough for her, her books, and no one else. Having her own space was paramount
to Daria. Sharing a room with Quinn for years before had almost driven both of
them to violence.
牋牋牋牋牋?As Daria watched, the refrigerator box moved slightly. 換uinn, get out of there!?Daria shouted, infuriated that her space was being invaded梐gain. 揋et out!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揘o! The babysitter will kill me!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揌e抯 not the babysitter! He抯 some stupid lawyer friend of Mom抯. They抮e gonna go away, so get out of my box!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揘o! Shhh! Don抰 tell him I抦 in here!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?換uinn! Get out!?Daria tried to get
into the box to drag her sister out, but Quinn was holding the cardboard flaps
shut. Wrestling around would only tear the box.
牋牋牋牋牋?揊ine, then!?Daria said. 揑抦 going to your room and take your Michael J. Fox picture!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou better not!?Quinn was out of
the box in no time. She rushed past Daria for her pink bedroom and shut the
door, locking it.
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria made a mental note to use that
particular threat more often. She heard the doorbell ring again. Curious, she
walked out to the living room to see who was there.
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou must be Rosalyn!?said Helen. 揧ou抮e early. Come in, please!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟hanks, Mrs. Morgendorffer.?A tall, athletic-looking teenager in casual clothes walked in, with textbooks and notebooks under one arm. Her long blonde hair hung down in a ponytail. 揘ice evening for going out.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧es. Rosalyn抯 a senior at the high
school. Rosalyn, this is Joanie Caucus, she抯 a lawyer in Washington, D.C.,
and, um, this棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揝teve Dallas, in the flesh. Are you eighteen yet, cutie??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揢h, we抎 better be going,?said Helen uneasily. 揜osalyn, the emergency phone numbers are by the phone in the kitchen. Eat what you want from the frig. We have dinner reservations at seven, but we might go somewhere later for dessert.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揕ooks like the dessert抯 already here!?said Steve, grinning at Rosalyn. 揧owee!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揝teve, right??asked Rosalyn
calmly. She leaned a little closer to Mr. Dallas.
牋牋牋牋牋?揧eah, baby!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Rosalyn抯 voice dropped. 揇o you know what a blood groove is, Steve??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揝ome kind of boogie dance, right? Disco, maybe??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Rosalyn抯 voice was very soft. 揑t抯 the narrow channel that runs down the back of a knife. When you stab someone, the blood groove keeps the blade from getting stuck in the victim, so you can ram it in over and over and over and over, as many times as you want. My brother bought me a French misericord with a blood groove in it. Do you know what a misericord is??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Steve Dallas抯 face was pale and sweaty. 揑抦 not much for European culture. I think it抯 time we left.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧es,?said Helen, staring at
Rosalyn wide-eyed. 揑 think it抯 time.?She opened the front door, and Steve
Dallas was out in a flash.
牋牋牋牋牋?揈ight dollars for tonight, was that
it??Helen asked Rosalyn in a nervous voice.
牋牋牋牋牋?揟en. Sorry, Mrs. Morgendorffer, but college tuitions have gone up.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揇o you get to Washington, D.C.,
very often??Ms. Caucus asked Rosalyn.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑 plan to go to college there next fall, at George Washington.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揋ood,?said Ms. Caucus. She pulled a business card from a pocket and handed it over. 揅all me when you get there. I could use a good sitter. My son would love you.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揌e doesn抰 have a stuffed tiger and want to be ruler of the universe, does he??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揌e doesn抰 have a stuffed tiger, no. Why??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揓ust curious,?Rosalyn said. 揝ure, I抣l call.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Ms. Caucus smiled and left. Rosalyn
and Daria watched as Helen waved goodbye and pulled the front door shut.
牋牋牋牋牋?One second later, Helen flung open the door and hurried back into the house toward the master bedroom, her face filled with fury. 揓ake! Jake! Get the hell out of the bathroom! We抮e leaving!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Rosalyn smiled and looked down at Daria. 揧ou抮e . . .?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揇aria. My little sister抯 locked in her bedroom. Was that true about the blood groove??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揘o,?said Rosalyn. 揂 lot of people say it, but it抯 just a groove that strengthens the back of a knife. My brother told me about them.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟hat was cool what you did to that jerk.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟hanks. Have you had dinner yet??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧e梪m, no. We were supposed to get pizza, but Mom didn抰 have time.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揘o problem. We抣l check the frig.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria smiled. 揟hanks.?She frowned a moment later. 揗y sister will be out soon.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥hat does she like to do??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?The frown deepened. 揚(yáng)lay dress up, pretend she抯 dating, stupid stuff.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙kay, tell you what. We抣l have her do a fashion show. She抣l be in her room changing clothes all night, and you and I can talk and watch TV and do anything else we want to do. We抣l get that pizza going once your mom leaves. Tonight will be our fling.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria looked up in flat-out astonishment, then beamed. 揑 like you,?she said. 揧ou抮e cool.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑 like you, too,?said Rosalyn, grinning. 揕et抯 have some fun.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?And they did.
Original:
1/29/03; revised 8/4/03
Past
(Highland), crossover (late 1980s comics: 揇oonesbury,?揃loom County,?揅alvin
and Hobbes?
FINIS