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Hal Point Nine

 

Text ?003 Roger E. Moore (roger70129@aol.com)

Daria and associated characters are ?003 MTV Networks

 

 

Feedback (good, bad, indifferent, just want to bother me, whatever) is appreciated. Please write to: roger70129@aol.com

 

Synopsis: A story about a girl and her . . . unusual pet.

 

Author抯 Notes: The introductory quote appears in The Language of the Night: Essays of Fantasy and Science Fiction, by Ursula K. LeGuin (page 215). This story is not, however, science fiction. We seem to have passed well into the territory SF once claimed as its own. We live the adventure now, for better or worse. For the story抯 inspiration, see http://www.roombavac.com/ (iRobot抯 搃ntelligent floorvac?.

 

Acknowledgements: My thanks go out to PPMB denizens Wouter, Dennis, and Brandon League, who began an online contest to write 揇aria?fanfic about pets. This story was one of the contest entries.

 

 

 

The heart has its reasons which reason doesn抰 know. . . .

桿rsula K. LeGuin

 

 

牋牋牋牋牋?Daria Morgendorffer wanted her actual, on-the-correct-day, not-delayed-until-Thanksgiving-when-she-went-back-to-Lawndale-to-see-her-family nineteenth birthday party to be special, so she put a few restrictions on it. First, she limited it to one guest: her best friend, Jane Lane. Second, she limited it to her rented, second-floor, one-bedroom apartment just off the campus of Raft College in Boston, where she was an English-major freshman. Third, she limited her outfit to an extremely comfortable black sweat suit and white socks, hanging up her usual jacket-and-skirt combination so she could sit on a pillow on the hardwood floor. Beyond that, she had no limits, so she and Jane ordered out for pizza, talked about their week of drudgery at their various educational and occupational pursuits, shared laughs and stories, and then fell to opening presents on that cold Friday afternoon in November.

牋牋牋牋牋?None of the gifts appeared to be from Daria抯 immediate family, as her parents and sister would, as promised, present her with birthday gifts after she and Jane drove back to in Lawndale, less than a week in the future. After opening three boxes of clothing and two booklets of gift certificates (one for books and one for food) from Daria抯 aunts and grandmother, the two friends were almost done. Two gifts remained.

牋牋牋牋牋?揧our Aunt Amy sure has you pegged,?Jane remarked, thumbing through the booklet of free dinner coupons for Pizza Barn, their favorite local restaurant. 揥hoa! You even got coupons for cheese fries and onion blooms. We抮e going to eat like kings梪nless, of course, you抮e on a diet and don抰 want this. I抣l take it off your hands, no problem.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揑抦 still trying to figure out how she knew that we go there,?Daria said. 揑 never棓 She stopped and shot a look at Jane. 揙h, duh.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揧eah, she called about three weeks ago. She said she couldn抰 send you weaponry, because you抎 enjoy it too much and she抎 be blamed, and she didn抰 think you were into pink lace undies, so I got her straightened out.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揑抣l think of you fondly while I抦 stuffing myself.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揥ith your best friend.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揝tuffing myself with my best??span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揘o, no, that抯 . . . that didn抰 come out right. Skip it. Open the next one, and hurry. Inquiring minds want to know all about your secret gifts.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?Daria picked up the second-to-the-last present, still wrapped in brown postal paper. She tore off the packing envelope, read the receipt, and sighed. 揟his is from Quinn. She had the manufacturer ship it here. Positronic Brains梬hy does that company sound familiar? I wonder why she didn抰 wait to give it to me next week.?/p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揂 loving, thoughtful sister.?/p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揂t least it hasn抰 exploded yet. It抯 sort of heavy, so I抦 guessing it抯 going to be棓 She raised the package and pressed it to her forehead for a moment 摋a sweater and a book about positronic brains.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?Jane reached for the package. She weighed it experimentally in her hands. 揑抎 say a book, too, only it抯 too heavy for that. And we抮e talking Quinn here. Beauty equipment, maybe a makeup mirror and something like a positronic hair dryer, especially made for brainy types.?She gave the package back.

牋牋牋牋牋?Daria tore off the postal wrapping paper, then examined the gift-wrapped box underneath. She opened the little gift card taped to the box抯 top and read it.

牋牋牋牋牋?揢h-oh,?she said.

牋牋牋牋牋?揥hat??span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揟his says, 慒or Daria桝 pet to brighten your life. Love always, Quinn.挃 She turned the box over in her hands. 揂 pet? In a box with no air holes??span style='mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揂 pet doorstop??Jane guessed. 揂 square pet rock? A pet block of solid milk chocolate, I hope??span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?A minute later, Daria had the paper off梐nd she stared open-mouthed at what she held in her hands. Jane moved over and sat beside her on the floor.

牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, cool!?Jane said, and she meant it. 揑 don抰 believe she got you this!?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揑s this a real robot??Daria asked, stunned.

牋牋牋牋牋?揧eah! It抯 a robot vacuum cleaner! I saw one of these at a mall once. You turn it on, and it runs around and cleans your whole apartment.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揑t looks like a silver horseshoe crab without the tail.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揅ome on, open it! Let抯 turn it on!?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揕et抯 open the present you gave me first. I want to see what you got me.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揘o, that can wait. Do this one! This rocks!?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?Daria looked at Jane in confusion. 揧ou want to open a gift from Quinn before we open your gift to me??span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揑 painted a self-portrait for you,?Jane said. 揘ow, open this!?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揌ey! Don抰 spoil it!?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, come on, Daria. This is way too cool.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?Despite the pressure to do otherwise, Daria opened Jane抯 present before anything else was done, and she hung Jane抯 self-portrait on the living room wall with quiet joy before going back to the robot. An hour of assembly later, Daria aimed the little infrared remote at the foot-wide, three-inch-high dome on the floor and pushed a button. The silver-gray dome beeped softly, red lights around its lower rim came on, and a motor whirred to life inside it. It moved twenty-four inches toward Daria抯 stocking feet梐nd then stopped. Its lights went off. The motor died.

牋牋牋牋牋?揑 didn抰 do anything to it, I swear!?Jane exclaimed. 揑t was the one-armed man!?span style='mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揑t must have been something it ate,?Daria said. The unit appeared undamaged, so they examined the robot抯 instruction book and discovered that the power pack needed to be recharged for one day before the little robot could be fully used. With a collective groan, they plugged in the power pack and went on with the party.

牋牋牋牋牋?Three days later, Jane climbed the outdoor stairs to Daria抯 apartment again and rapped her knuckles on the door. 揚(yáng)olice, open up,?she called sweetly.

牋牋牋牋牋?揅ome on in!?came Daria抯 muffled response. Jane used the spare key Daria had given her to unlock the door and get inside, out of the cold wind梠nly to find Daria抯 legs sticking out from under her bed.

牋牋牋牋牋?揟oo ashamed to go out because you got a big zit on your nose??Jane asked, looking down at Daria抯 brown slippers. 揙r are you studying the sex lives of dust bunnies again??span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揌al抯 stuck,?Daria said from under the bed. She coughed. 揌e ate a long thick thread that came off the mattress, and I can抰 get him loose. Damn it.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?Five minutes later, with Jane抯 help, Hal was free. 揑抣l have to cut off the thread that抯 wound around the whatzit,?Daria said, looking intently at the robot抯 underside.

牋牋牋牋牋?揌al, huh??span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?Daria抯 face colored a bit.

牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou named him after HAL 2000 in that movie, 慡pace Odyssey??span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揟hat was HAL 9000.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揂nd this one is just Hal??span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?Daria mumbled something.

牋牋牋牋牋?揕ouder,?Jane prompted.

牋牋牋牋牋?Daria sighed. 揌al Point Nine,?she said flatly, not looking at Jane. 揌e抯 just a little Hal. One ten-thousandth of a big HAL.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?Jane looked at Daria for a long moment. 揙kay,?she said. 揂 little Hal. So, Hal is a he??span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揥hat??span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揌al is a he? Can you sex a robot vacuum by looking at its bottom??span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?Daria gave Jane a disgusted look, then went back to repairing her robot. It took Daria two minutes of using her Swiss Army knife to clear up the problem. She then put Hal on the floor and let him run free again.

牋牋牋牋牋?揟his isn抰 the first time,?said Daria, folding up her knife and dropping it in her pocket. 揑 have to pick up all the big chunks of debris before I turn him loose in the morning. He choked on a chicken thighbone last night, and on a wad of paper a few days before that. Positronic brains, my ass.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揝hhh, he might hear you!?whispered Jane. 揑 saw a movie once where棓

牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, stop it,?said Daria. 揑t抯 just a stupid robot.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?Jane looked at Daria with a wide grin. 揓ust a stupid robot? You抳e named it, you抳e given it a gender, you抮e worrying because it might choke on a chicken bone, and it抯 just a stupid robot??span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?Daria glared at Jane. 揑t抯 a lot smarter than some people I know.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揌mmm,?said Jane, trying not to laugh aloud. She looked down at Hal as the silver dome rolled across the hardwood floor. Crumbs and dust bunnies vanished as it rolled over them, humming softly. 揂t least he抯 neat. Better than a boyfriend梐lmost. No problems with housebreaking him??span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揑t. It抯 an it.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou said it was a he.?span style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>

牋牋牋牋牋?揑抦 still reading the book that came with it,?said Daria, ignoring Jane. 揑t has its own website and newsgroup, even. There are all sorts of cool accessories you can get for it through the Positronic Brains online store.?/p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揌eadlights, roll bars, chrome bumpers, little evergreen air fresheners, stuff like that??/p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揘ot headlights, really,?said Daria, missing the joke. 揃ut you can add little lights that respond to external noise and music, sort of like at a light show. If I have the stereo up, he抣l梚t抣l blink along with the music. You can even get a voice-recognition chip and parts, but that抯 pretty expensive, and I sorta like just using the remote.?/p>

牋牋牋牋牋?Jane shook her head slowly, seeing how animated Daria was when she talked about Hal. She could really use a boyfriend, she thought, but a pet robot is probably better. Living alone isn抰 good for her. She felt a twinge of regret that they抎 decided not to share an apartment. Daria wanted a reasonably neat, quiet place to study, and Jane liked noise, making messy art, and privacy for dating. Maybe, Jane thought, when her classes finally began at the Boston Fine Arts College in January, she could talk Daria into moving in together.

牋牋牋牋牋?Thanksgiving vacation started only a couple of days later. Jane stuffed her clothes into her Navy duffle bag and drove her heap over to pick up Daria for the long trip back to Lawndale. As Jane got to the top of the stairs outside Daria抯 apartment, she paused, hearing voices. One voice, actually. She leaned close to the door and listened.

牋牋牋牋牋?Daria was talking to herself.

牋牋牋牋牋?No, that wasn抰 quite right. What was actually happening, Jane realized, was that Daria was talking to Hal.

牋牋牋牋牋?It was hard to make out much through the door, but Daria was naming all the things she was taking on the trip to Lawndale, asking Hal if she had forgotten anything, thinking up topics to talk to Jane about in the car on the way, and complaining about her test schedule for her finals, only two weeks away.

牋牋牋牋牋?Jane remembered with a sharp pang of guilt when Daria抯 mother had offhandedly told her about the last few times Daria had begun talking to herself. It had always been when Jane was too busy dating to see Daria. She抯 lonelier than I had guessed, she thought, ashamed she hadn抰 dropped by more often. She was working full time for a professor at BFAC, picking up a few dollars before her spring-semester classes started.

牋牋牋牋牋?Grimacing, Jane rapped hard on the door.

牋牋牋牋牋?揓ane抯 here,?Daria said梩o Hal梐nd boot steps approached. The door opened, and Daria waved Jane in. 揌ey!?she called, still oddly animated. 揑抦 almost ready.?/p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揂re you okay??Jane asked, looking around the apartment with concern. The floor was perfectly clean, though books and papers (and articles of dirty clothing) littered every higher surface.

牋牋牋牋牋?揑抦 fine,?said Daria, hefting a single suitcase. 揙h, wait!?She put her suitcase down and picked up Hal, carefully storing the little robot in a closet with his battery charger and other equipment.

牋牋牋牋牋?揗aking sure he doesn抰 escape??o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揗aking sure he doesn抰 get stolen in a break-in,?Daria replied. She piled dirty laundry over the robot, shut the closet door, and they left.

牋牋牋牋牋?Thanksgiving was quite tolerable, all things considered. Jane had to stay with the Morgendorffers, as her brother Trent was away with his band, Mystik Spiral. He抎 had all the locks changed on the Lane house without leaving a key for Jane. Typical.

牋牋牋牋牋?揇id you like your new pet??Quinn asked the moment she saw Daria. In response, Daria said, 揟hank you,?and unexpectedly hugged Quinn for a long moment. Quinn抯 surprised gaze went to Jane. Jane silently mouthed, She liked it, and Quinn mouthed, Oh, though the look of surprise never left her face.

牋牋牋牋牋?On the day after Thanksgiving, however, Jane noticed Daria seemed a little withdrawn and pensive. Her mood darkened somewhat through the rest of the holiday, lightening only rarely. It was on Sunday, on the road back to Boston, when Daria looked out the passenger window, sighed, and whispered, 揑 hope Hal抯 still there.?o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou hope what??Jane was looking for the Interstate exit to Boston. She hated driving in the dark.

牋牋牋牋牋?揘othing.?Five minutes later, Daria said, 揑 hope no one stole Hal.?o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揌e抣l be fine,?Jane said softly. She sensed that this was a bad time to poke fun. 揇on抰 worry.?o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揑 should抳e taken him with me,?Daria said. 揟here was room.?o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揌e抣l be fine.?o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?Jane walked up to Daria抯 apartment when they got in. Everything was secure. Hal was rescued from under the mound of dirty laundry, Daria plugged in his recharged battery, and the little robot was off again. A look of infinite relief spread over Daria抯 tired face.

牋牋牋牋牋?Jane watched, but she kept her thoughts to herself.

牋牋牋牋牋?Things progressed. Jane worked up the courage to play a few practical jokes, such as taping a vibrator to the top of Hal Point Nine抯 dome, or leaving fake rubber dog poop next to its battery recharger. Daria took it well, but as finals week approached, Daria抯 apparent attachment to Hal deepened, and her conversation about upgrades she抎 ordered for him began to dominate pizza time. Jane bore it as best she could. She wondered if she had sounded this way to Daria, back when Jane was dating in high school at the expense of their enduring friendship. Jane was still dating at college, but she upped her time with Daria to two or three times a week instead of once a week, as before Thanksgiving. Priorities had to be observed.

牋牋牋牋牋?Daria, however, was not dating at all. She became anxious and edgy, though this was to be expected of someone carrying as heavy a credit-hour load as Daria was and facing seven finals and five term papers due in the same week in mid-December.

牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou need to get out more,?Jane said over a pepperoni, hamburger, onion, mushroom, and six-cheese Pizza Barn Hayloft Special. 揂ny cute guys in your Shakespeare class??o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, that reminds me,?said Daria quickly, putting down her Ultra Cola. She was as overcaffeinated as an undergraduate could get, almost bouncing in her seat. 揧ou have to see something at my place. You won抰 believe it.?o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揌al cleans toilets now??o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揘o, this is even better. It抯 really something. You have to see it.?o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?At the apartment, Daria had Jane wait next to the battery recharger while Daria walked over to Hal, sitting on the far side of the room. 揑 turned Hal off when we left,?Daria said, 揳nd his battery is pretty low. See this yellow light? He抯 at one-tenth or one-fifteen power, about five minutes left on his charge. Okay, now . . . watch.?o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?Daria pushed a button. Hal抯 lights came on. He started forward梩hen stopped and began to spin slowly in place.

牋牋牋牋牋?揌e抯 looking for his supper dish,?Daria said, trying not to grin.

牋牋牋牋牋?Hal moved experimentally toward the battery charger, then rolled toward it steadily until adjacent to it. Hal then rotated in place and backed up into the charger, twisting a bit until Jane heard a click. Hall stopped. The lights around his sides grew much brighter, though his motor shut down at the same moment.

牋牋牋牋牋?揌e feeds himself now!?Daria exclaimed, her face radiant. 揑 just got the parts in this morning! He抯 recharging all by himself! Now I can leave him on, and he抣l run forever! Or until civilization ends and the power grid goes down.?o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?Jane抯 resolve dissolved. 揇aria,?she said gently, 搕his is wonderful, but . . . isn抰 this in a way like that time that you got your belly button pierced for Trent??o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?Daria looked at Jane in complete confusion梐nd a touch of hostility. ?i>What??o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揂ren抰 you going a little overboard about this? I mean, this is cool, yeah, but I wonder sometimes if . . . oh, never mind.?o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揑 don抰 know what you抮e talking about,?said Daria, suddenly testy. 揧ou抮e not making any sense.?She stared hard down at Hal. 揑抎 better study,?she said, and Jane knew the evening was over.

牋牋牋牋牋?Things between them were fine the next day, however, and Jane simply didn抰 bring the issue up again. Things went swimmingly, in fact, until the Sunday night before finals began. Jane returned to her car after a particularly pleasant dinner date to find her cell phone had rung six times in the last two hours梐ll from Daria抯 apartment phone number. Jane returned the call, but Daria抯 answering machine picked up instead. On impulse, she drove by Daria抯 place and saw a light was on. She clumped up the steps to Daria抯 door, listened梙earing nothing梐nd knocked. No one answered. Jane peered through a small window by the landing and spotted Daria sitting at her rickety dining table, her head buried in her arms, motionless. Jane let herself in with her key.

牋牋牋牋牋?On the dining table was a collection of tools, mostly screwdrivers and pliers, and Hal, turned upside-down and missing some of his internal parts. The air had an unpleasant, stale, burnt odor, like plastic had melted. The robot抯 motor casing was in pieces. The motor itself was stained and clearly ruined. Daria抯 glasses rested beside the dead motor.

牋牋牋牋牋?Jane walked to Daria抯 side. After a long moment, she put a gentle hand on her best friend抯 shoulder. 揥hat happened??o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?Daria sniffed. 揑 spilled some soup,?she said, her voice hoarse. 揑t got into his motor and burnt it out. That was so stupid. I should抳e turned him off and cleaned it up right then.?o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揌e ran into the soup and tried to clean it up??o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?Daria nodded once. 揟he book said not to let him near liquids. It corrodes the insides and shorts or rusts everything out. The soup got into the motor.?o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揥e can wrap him up and send him in to get fixed, right??o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?揘o,?said Daria dully. 揟he warranty won抰 cover liquid damage. That was so stupid of me. Now he抯 . . .?She stopped speaking for a minute, then said, 揓ust take it away. I don抰 want to see it anymore.?o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?Jane put Daria to bed, setting her alarm to get her up for her first big tests the following day. Finding a flattened box in the closet, Jane reassembled it and put all the parts for Hal Point Nine inside, then took him away.

牋牋牋牋牋?Finals week came and went. Daria finished the last of her tests Friday morning at eleven, and she staggered half-blind out of the Raft College auditorium and into sunlight. She had not had a shower in two days, her hair was uncombed, and her breath smelled like leftover garlic-laden pizza and bad coffee. She did not know her scores yet, but she guessed she might have pulled off a miracle and made straight As.

牋牋牋牋牋?It meant nothing. She slung her backpack onto her shoulders and walked back to her empty apartment. She wanted to get in her tub and go to sleep for a century. The trip back to her family for Christmas didn抰 even enter into consciousness, but the thought of celebrating Christmas was a lead weight in her chest.

牋牋牋牋牋?It was just a stupid robot, she told herself. It didn抰 help.

牋牋牋牋牋?She unlocked and pushed open the door to her apartment梐nd stopped.

牋牋牋牋牋?The stereo was on, playing one of Daria抯 alternative-rock CDs.

牋牋牋牋牋?揌i, stranger,?said Jane, sitting at the kitchen table with an Ultra-Cola. She was sketching something.

牋牋牋牋牋?Daria looked across the room, where Jane kept glancing as she drew.

牋牋牋牋牋?揌al,?she said, and unshouldered her backpack and dropped it with a thud. She ran over and knelt down by the little robot.

牋牋牋牋牋?揟he art department at BFAC loved it,?said Jane, penciling in a detail. 揝omeone had a replacement motor from a kinetic sculpture, and someone else had the colored lights and the whatchamacallit, the thing that makes the lights blink to music, and someone else had the detailing kit for the棓

牋牋牋牋牋?Wordless, Daria rushed back to Jane.

牋牋牋牋牋?揂ck!?Jane gasped, but Daria was crying so Jane hugged her back, if not quite so hard as Daria was hugging her.

牋牋牋牋牋?揑 know how it is,?said Jane softly into Daria抯 hair. 揑 had a hamster once.?o:p>

牋牋牋牋牋?Which was, in the end, all that had to be said.

 

 

Original: 1/29/03; revised 8/4/03

Future (college)

 

FINIS