Feeding
Frenzy
Text ?003 Roger E. Moore
(roger70129@aol.com)
Daria and associated
characters are ?003 MTV Networks
Feedback (good, bad, indifferent, just want to bother me, whatever) is appreciated. Please write to: roger70129@aol.com
Synopsis: On a most unusual day at Lawndale High School, Upchuck discovers that he has梥omehow梑ecome king of the babe magnets.
Author抯 Notes: It is assumed that readers are familiar with the characters of the 揇aria?show, so detailed explanations of who is who are not needed. The story takes place during Upchuck抯 senior year at Lawndale High School.
Acknowledgements: My thanks to Brandon League, who got me involved in a discussion of Sandi抯 age that resulted in my discovery that she was a year older than the rest of the Fashion Club梩hus, her (accurate) comment about her age herein.
牋牋牋牋牋?Charles Ruttheimer III knew it would be a most unusual day at Lawndale High School when Jane Lane goosed him as he was getting his books out of his locker. He had his back turned, suspecting nothing, when Jane walked up behind him. She growled like a female jaguar in heat and grabbed his left rear gluteus with a firm, artistic梟ay, athletic梘rip, before walking on down the hall as if nothing at all had happened.
牋牋牋牋牋?Startled, he regained his composure as he watched the unflappable Miss Lane saunter away. Yes, this was going to be a most unusual day, he thought to himself with a pleasantly surprised smile. Still, he wondered what extraordinary event had triggered this display of previously unsuspected primal passion on her part. It was impossible to know what impulses fueled the sensual side of the feminine sex, but whatever it was, Upchuck hoped it would continue. He wondered what could possibly happen nex?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揋ood morning, Charles,?said a smooth, throaty voice at his right ear. He turned his head, startled again. It was Jodie Landon, her large dark eyes drinking in his image like infinitely deep wells. 揇o you have anything scheduled for lunch today??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揂h, the ever-vivacious Miss Landon,?he said with a devil-may-care grin. 揑 have nothing planned at the moment. Did you have a suggestion for me??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧es,?said Jodie. She leaned close
to his right ear and whispered, 揗e.?She took the bottom of his ear in her
teeth, nipped it lightly, then pulled away and headed off to class, her hips
swaying under her tight dress to the thunder of Upchuck抯 heartbeat.
牋牋牋牋牋?揧es,?said Upchuck, overwhelmed at
this turn of events. 揧es, that would be the perfect menu selection.?He did not
even have the presence of mind to growl. Shaking his head, he got his books,
shut his locker, and set off down the corridor梑ut something was definitely
amiss. Upchuck quickly became aware that every female student and teacher he
met on his way to class gave him an unabashedly wanton stare梩heir unblinking
eyes glazed over with lust, their lips parted slightly, looking him up and down
as if he were the last Fudgesickle on the ice-cream truck on a
one-hundred-ten-degree day. Guys, however, were oblivious to what was going on,
looking in every direction except his.
牋牋牋牋牋?A perfect example occurred when
Upchuck smiled and waved to cheerleader Brittany Taylor, as she walked by with
her squeeze, quarterback Kevin Thompson. Brittany ran her tongue over her lips
as she favored Upchuck with a frank gaze, exhaling softly as they brushed past
each other. Kevin, at her side, merely shouted greetings to a friend across the
hall, missing the entire exchange. Had a powerful mutant pheromone been
released into the air from his body? Were all women now at his beck and call?
Had Charles Ruttheimer the Third finally achieved Ultrasuave Nirvana?
牋牋牋牋牋?Evidence for the latter was fast in
coming. All four members of the Fashion Club walked toward him in single file
as the hallway became crowded. Sandi Griffin slowed and whispered in her husky
voice, 揑抣l be eighteen and legal in three weeks. Put that on your social
calendar.?This admission caused Upchuck to stumble, taken aback at her
boldness, but there was more to come.
牋牋牋牋牋?Stacy Rowe, who was next, stopped
him for a moment, too. 揑 learned a new trick,?she said with an impish grin.
牋牋牋牋牋?揥hat sort of magic is it??he asked, remembering the magic show they抎 given together at a recent school fundraiser.
牋牋牋牋牋?Stacy looked at him with tolerant amusement.
揑 didn抰 say it was a magic trick, silly,?she told him, then walked
on, snickering to herself.
牋牋牋牋牋?Third was Tiffany Blum-Deckler. She
said nothing, but she dropped a schoolbook in front of him. Upchuck bent to
pick it up, but she stepped so close to him that he brushed up against the
length of her slim body as he stood to return her book. She nodded her thanks
and walked coolly past him, her body rubbing across his as she did.
牋牋牋牋牋?Quinn Morgendorffer, the last in line, put out a hand and slapped Upchuck lightly on his chest. He looked down and saw she had put a red sticker on his shirt: PROPERTY OF Quinn ?HANDS OFF! 揝ome days, I have to be direct,?she said, glaring at the other three girls ahead of her. 揥hy don抰 you come over to my house this evening and help me with my chemistry??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou don抰 look like you need any
help with your chemistry,?Upchuck said with a rakish smile.
牋牋牋牋牋??/span>揧ou could always check my valences,?she replied with a
meaningful gaze, and she hurried off to catch up with her friends.
牋牋牋牋牋?Upchuck almost followed her then,
but he spotted his science teacher, Ms. Barch, glaring at him as she walked up
from behind. Ms. Barch was living proof of which sex was the deadliest of the
species. For a moment under her man-hating glare, Upchuck thought things had
returned to normal梑ut it was impossible not to notice, a moment later, that
Ms. Barch was unbuttoning her blouse.
牋牋牋牋牋?Extremely unwilling to find out what
Ms. Barch had in mind for him (though he suspecting a whip was involved),
Upchuck ran for the cafeteria. The moment he entered and shut the door,
however, he discovered that the most incredible experience of all was about to
unfold. The entire cafeteria was completely empty . . . except for one person.
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria Morgendorffer.
牋牋牋牋牋?Wearing a black-and-white French
maid抯 outfit.
牋牋牋牋牋?Standing behind a gigantic chocolate
閏lair so large its edges overhung the cafeteria table on which it rested.
牋牋牋牋牋?揧our dessert is ready,?said Daria, in her usual deadpan. She hesitated, though, before adding in a low voice, 揑 hope your appetite is equal to it, Mister Ruttheimer.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揢m . . . well, I, uh, always have
an appetite for the feistiest woman in Lawndale!?he growled back, walking up
to the 閏lair.
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria dipped a finger in the thick
chocolate on the 閏lair, admiring it for a moment. Her dark brown eyes looked
up at Upchuck through her enormous round glasses. 揑 like the classics best,
don抰 you??she said in a deep, hungry voice.
牋牋牋牋牋?揃ut, of course!?Upchuck said, giving her a knowing leer even as his brain reeled in shock. This wasn抰 possible! Daria Morgendorffer? Coming on to him? 揂nd, which of the great masters did you have in mind, my dear??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria put her chocolate-covered
finger in her mouth, her eyes still on Upchuck, and she slowly licked the
chocolate off. 揑 was thinking of Henry Fielding,?she said.
牋牋牋牋牋?He got it immediately. His mouth went dry. 揟om Jones,?he whispered.
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou get an A,?said Daria. 揑f you want an A plus . . . have a bite.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?He felt as if he were about to faint. 揂 bite of . . . ??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧our 閏lair, Mister Ruttheimer,?said Daria, her voice deepening with a pressing need. 揟hen敆Her body swayed, and he found himself staring at the fine lace covering her gentle cleavage棑I抣l serve you a real dessert.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?His free will gone, Upchuck sat down at the table. Unable to take his eyes from Daria, he bit into the 閏lair. Daria closed her eyes and moaned as he did. 揌urry,?she whispered. 揊inish your dessert . . . and then . . . you can finish . . . me.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?When the alarm went off that morning
and Upchuck finally awoke, trembling and covered in sweat, he discovered that
his pillow had disappeared.
Original:
6/21/02
Revised:
1/20/03
Comedy,
shipper (Upchuck/all women)
FINIS