Short summary:
Jake Morgendorffer takes on a cuckoo clock that he had
bought on a garage sale?It抯 a winner-take-all, there-can-be-only-one type of
battle! Don't miss it!
Daria (and
associated characters and locations) is copyright ?1997-2000 MTV Networks.
This story is copyright ?2002 by Bacner (olgak531@rogers.com) and has been written for personal enjoyment. No infringement of the above rights is intended.
揂ll right you fiend, your time is up!?Jake Morgendorffer said haughtily, looking at his mean metallic adversary: a cuckoo clock, bought by him at a latest garage sale.
揑抦 going to make you tick!?Jake Morgendorffer continued proudly, and he meant it, too: his problem with his latest acquisition to the Morgendorffer house was that it didn抰 tick, or more correctly ?cuckoo: the clock worked just fine, but the cuckoo did not: it stayed silent no matter what time of day (or night) it was. And it was driving Jake Morgendorffer ?a man with a very low patience barrier when it came to failures ?up the wall, bananas, nuts, etc ?you get the idea.
揂ll right!?Jake Morgendorffer repeated, as he unscrewed the back wall of the clock. 揑 see the problem ?this counterbalancing screw is out of commission. We抣l just fix it up so carefully?there!?Jake Morgendorffer set proudly the clock back on the wall. 揟here mission accomplished! Let抯 see you not cuckoo now, friend ?it抯 one o抍lock!?/p>
Bong!
Crash!
揅uckoo!?/p>
-And before Jake Morgendorffer抯 astonished eyes, the cuckoo burst up and away through the clock抯 top. 揑 see it needs some work,?Jake wisely said.
揅uckoo!?/p>
揑'm not about to be beaten by a stupid mechanical bird!?Jake Morgendorffer shouted, reassembling the entire clock from top to the middle (about to the level of the dial-plate).
揧ou're going to work as if you were new!?he yelled and re-inserted the battery.
Bong!
Bang!
揂aargh!?/p>
-And the reason for that 揂aargh?came from the fact that when the clock re-struck one, the cuckoo didn抰 lunge either forwards or upwards; instead, the clock抯 pendulum ?a rather weighty piece of metal, almost a mini-dumbbell ?detached from the rest of the clock almost the same way as a rocket falls apart piece by piece after take-off ?and landed straight onto Jake抯 right foot.
揅urse you, cuckoo clock!?Jake Morgendorffer then roared.
揅uckoo! Cuckoo!?/p>
By now, Jake Morgendorffer just stared at the cuckoo clock in some mute hatred, fuelled by his bandaged foot, which still hurt, despite all of his first-aid-kit抯 ministrations. The clock, though, if it was alive and had eyes and a mind, would抳e also most probable felt the same emotion towards the human, for Jake, after he fixed-up his foot from the bruise caused by the pendulum, reworked the clock抯 innards from bottom to the dial-plate level, checking all fastenings and bindings, and winding them up as tightly as he could?And then Jake just re-put the battery, and?/p>
Bang!
揅uckoo!?/p>
揧eargh!?/p>
The cuckoo shot forwards as it was supposed to?with 憇hot?being the emphasized word. In other words, the clock had literally shot-out the cuckoo, the latter almost hitting Jake in the right temple, but instead piercing the wall with its?beak.
揋ah-dammit!?Jake yelled in anger, 揇ah-gammit!?/p>
揅uckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!?/p>
Jake Morgendorffer was angry and didn抰 want to think. He didn抰 realize that he had tightened some part of the clock抯 innards too tightly, and instead started to fiddle with the counterbalancing screw, loosening and re-tightening everything else in the process. Needless to say, the clock抯 innards, as a result, became aimed towards something else than telling time, and furthermore, when Jake Morgendorffer re-put the battery once again?/p>
Bang!
揅uckoo!?/p>
揗y foot!?/p>
Jake抯 last yell came in such a fashion because the clock had fired its?cuckoo once again, only now it抎 shot downwards, seriously scraping the ankle on the same foot that already was hurt from the pendulum!
匜or quite a while afterwards, any visitors ?or just curious bystanders of the Morgendorffer house could抳e 揹elighted?themselves by the sight of Jake Morgendorffer hopping around the house one foot, sweepingly cursing.
揅uckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!?/p>
Jake Morgendorffer now sat on a table, working once again on the upper part of the clock. Now he was not only winding and binding, he was also securing and establishing?in other words, trying to prevent the cuckoo from getting fired into the big blue beyond once again ?he probably wouldn抰 be able to endure that happening any more. And so he decided to use glue inside the clock?/p>
After a while, Jake grew satisfied from his apparent results deriving from the humiliating of the clock. He re-inserted ?once again ?the battery, and?/p>
Boom!
Zing!
揧eowch!?
Jake collapsed on the floor, cradling his stomach. Since it was no longer able to fire the cuckoo, the clock parted with its?pendulum instead, planting right in the Jake抯 gut. And since for every action there抯 a counteraction, the clock was fired away in the opposite direction, now apparently developing its?own internal source of fuel, as it defied gravity and flew around the house like a miniature spaceship! And Jake, lying on the floor, felt probably what a whale feels at the sight of a whaler ship! Summoning up the last reserves of his strength, Jake jumped onto the table, seeing a chair抯 legs getting smashed in two the very next moment! And the clock flew off towards the wall! Jake then hoped that the clock would smash itself against it, but alas ?the clock made a dead-man抯-curve in the air, and swooped towards Jake once again.
Fear ?and realization that he was about to be struck by an inanimate object once again ?gave Jake courage. He lunged forwards himself, grabbed his attacker, and using his greater mass, pulled it towards the floor?
The man and the machine were finally locked in open conflict!
揇ing-dong!..?/p>
When Helen realized that no action was coming from inside, she used her key to open the front door. A picture of terrible destruction, devastation, and ravage, appeared before her eyes. And as usual, Helen knew then what to do:
揓a-ake!?/p>
揧es, dear??/p>
揥as our house robbed??/p>
揘o.?/p>
揌ave a hippo entered here??/p>
揘o.?/p>
揥as there a hurricane??/p>
揘o.?/p>
揂 volcano eruption??/p>
揘o.?/p>
揂n avalanche??/p>
揘o.?/p>
揂 performance of dancing elephants??/p>
揘o.?/p>
揥hat then??/p>
揑 was just trying to fix this cuckoo clock厰
揝ay what?!?/p>
Jake, sheepishly grinning, began to explain. His explanation was so 憇uccessful?that just a few minutes into it, the walls began to shudder from Helen抯 roar.
Outside, Jake抯 and Helen抯 daughters Quinn and Daria took a look at each other, and started walking in completely different directions, realizing that this thunderstorm should be waited-out outside.
End.