Shock and Aww
?004 The Angst Guy
(theangstguy@yahoo.com)
牋牋牋牋牋牋牋?
Feedback (good, bad, indifferent, just want to bother
me, whatever) is appreciated. Please write to: theangstguy@yahoo.com
Synopsis: Two parents-to-be wrestle with attitude problems
and a need for change at their first childbirth class in this, the fifth 揚(yáng)ause
in the Air?tale.
Author抯 Notes: This is the fifth in the series of 揚(yáng)ause in the Air?tales, taking place in an alternate universe in which certain fanfic conventions about the actual nature of the relationship between Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane are employed梞eaning, they are gay and love each other. Further, they are in college, have gotten married, and are expecting a baby (Daria抯, with Jane抯 brother Trent as the sperm donor). Other than that, attempts are made to keep them close to their original canon selves, at least in personality and mannerisms. The other 揚(yáng)ause in the Air?tales so far include (in story order) 揚(yáng)ause in the Air,?揟hanks Giving,?揗oving Day,?and 揝ilent Night.?The past situation with Tom Sloane is explained in 揗oving Day? reading it first clarifies events that occur herein, which would take too long to explain otherwise. Readers are assumed to be familiar with the characters of 揇aria,?so no introductions are used.
牋牋牋牋牋?The title for the current story comes from the military phrase 搒hock and awe,?used in the war in Iraq concurrent with the writing of this story. Also, none of the advice on prenatal care herein should be taken seriously, even if I did borrow it from Lamaze websites on the Internet. Talk to a real doctor. This is fanfic, for Pete抯 sake.
Acknowledgements: The wonderful beta readers for this story
were (in no particular order): Thea Zara, Deref, Brandon League, Greystar,
Crusading Saint, THM, TerraEsperZ, Robert Nowall, and Marcello. This story
mutated based on their feedback梩he original shock ending (inspired by the
writings of Thea Zara) is now being held for the next PitA story. You
beta-readers know what抯 coming, ho ho ho. 8)
牋牋牋牋牋?The
influence of the Tales of the City novels by Armistead
Maupin, which I read and enjoyed a decade ago, is gratefully
acknowledged, even if these stories don抰 look like something Maupin would
write. At least I tried.
*
牋牋牋牋牋?揧our
kid kicked me in the bladder again,?Daria Morgendorffer said through clenched
teeth.
牋牋牋牋牋?揙ur kid,?said Jane Lane, eyeing the taillights of the car crawling through the snow and slush ahead of her. She didn抰 like driving at night, and driving at night in suburban Boston traffic when it was snowing in mid-February was the pits. She bit her lower lip, gaze darting from one potential hazard to another.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑 meant your kid,?said Daria in a dark monotone. 揟his baby was your idea, remember??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙ur
kid,?said Jane, unperturbed.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑f I pee all over this car seat, you抮e going to clean it up because your kid made me do it.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揗mm-hmm.?Jane was already accustomed to cleaning up and fumigating every time Daria
threw up梬hich was less often these days than earlier in her pregnancy, thank
God梥o this could hardly be worse. Of course, if Daria waited until she got out
of the car before she exploded, it would really help. Bitter experience had
taught Jane to keep two extra changes of clothes for Daria in a travel bag
stored in the car抯 trunk, with an extra change of clothing for herself and
three different bottles of stain remover.
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane hunched forward over the steering wheel, trying to make out a street sign ahead. 揟hat抯 not the one,?she said, and she gently put on the brake as the taillights ahead of her suddenly became brighter and closer. 揑 think that抯 the street we want, the next one up. Can you see it??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揘o, Jane,?said Daria with an edge in her voice. 揑 can抰 see it because my eyes changed when I got pregnant. I can抰 do anything anymore. I waddle like an obese hippo, my back hurts like hell, I抦 flunking all my classes, we don抰 have any money left for the rent, and I can抰 even see or reach my feet and they抮e killing me. Plus, I抦 carrying your kid, who抯 kicking my bladder around like a damn soccer ball.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟hat抯 kinda cool,?said Jane. 揑 wonder if there抯 a soccer class for toddlers. I should check at the Y.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揤ery funny,?Daria growled. 揥hen I抦 done having your kid and we抮e out of money and we抮e thrown out into the street and we live in a cardboard box in a drug lord抯 back alley, you抮e doing all the diapering, I swear to God.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟hat抯 fair,?said Jane, who had diapered her oldest sister抯 four kids and hated it, but only because Summer was too lazy to do it herself. 揙n the good side, you like living in boxes, so at least it will seem like home.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥hat??Daria glared at Jane. 揥hat抯 that supposed to mean??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou had that refrigerator box in your back yard last year, in twelfth grade, remember? The one you wouldn抰 come out of because of that thing with your dad and mom when you were a kid??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria
turned away and said something obscene under her breath.
牋牋牋牋牋?揝ure,?Jane said. 揟hat sounds like fun, but let抯 wait until we get back home.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria
did not bother to answer.
牋牋牋牋牋?揃ingo.?Jane hit the turn signal. 揟here抯 our street. We made it.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揋reat,?said Daria. She winced and shifted her posture. 揇amn this lousy car seat! It抯 killing my back. And I really have to pee. I can抰 stand to wait any longer.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?The
little silver Prius made the right turn onto a side street and crawled along in
search of a parking space. Jane spotted a parallel-parked car with its
taillights on and smoke coming from its exhaust. She began to pray, her lips
moving silently.
牋牋牋牋牋?揇amn snow,?said Daria, scowling at the windshield. 揑 hate this snow. I thought global warming took care of that. I抦 going to fall down and break my freaking neck if I don抰 freeze to death first.?She jumped. 揇amn it, stop kicking down there!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑
won抰 let you fall down,?Jane whispered as the car pulled out of the space. It
was only three doors down from the health center. Perfect. There was a God.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑
have to pee!?said Daria with urgency, her hands gripping both the ceiling
light fixture and door handle. 揑 really have to go! I抦 going to freaking pee
all over the car if I don抰 get out of here right now and棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揥e抣l make it, Sunshine,?said Jane, backing into the space. 揥e抣l make it.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揇on抰 call me Sunshine! I抦 not a damn Sunshine!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane turned off the ignition, sighed in relief, looked for approaching cars, and opened her door. She smiled at Daria as she got out. 揕et抯 go meet the group.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟o
hell with this. Let抯 go to the bathroom and then go home. Hurry! I really棓
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane
gently shut the car door, cutting Daria off, and walked around the Prius to the
sidewalk while humming a song she remembered from her childhood, Pat Benatar抯
揥e Belong.?She opened Daria抯 door and patiently helped her
late-second-trimester spouse out, smiling through the stream of profanity that
accompanied the operation. Jane buttoned the top of Daria抯 coat (揌urry!
Hurry!?, then they walked together to the door of the Greater Boston Women抯
Health Center. Jane kept one arm around Daria抯 waist, and one holding her
gloved hands in front. They waded through grimy slush in their high boots. A
sign on the door said: CHILDBIRTH CLASSES桼OOM 109A.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑
love you,?Jane whispered in Daria抯 ear.
牋牋牋牋牋?揌urry!?Daria said with a grimace. 揑 have to pee so bad I抦 going to drown from the inside out!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Luck
was still with them once they entered the women抯 clinic, as the restrooms were
only thirty feet from the door. Daria hurried into the ladies?room, while Jane
leaned against a wall in the darkened lobby, holding Daria抯 overcoat, and
listened to the low hum of conversation from farther down the hall. Expectant
mothers trading stories, no doubt. From this distance, they sounded happy and
not crazy in the least. Jane closed her eyes and shook her head. Time passed.
牋牋牋牋牋?揓ane??came Daria抯 faint voice from the women抯 room.
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane roused herself and pushed open the door. 揧ou need a change of clothes??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揘o,?Daria called morosely from one of the stalls. 揑 want to go home.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥e drove all the way out here in the snow for forty-five minutes to find out how to be good, healthy, brainless American parents,?said Jane. 揥e抮e going to get our money抯 worth, and then we抣l go home.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥hy
don抰 we get our money back and then check out a stack of library books on parenting?
We can抰 afford to do this. We抳e got only three hundred and twenty dollars
left, the rent抯 due in two weeks, and we need groceries, but I don抰 get paid
for typing that guy抯 thesis paper until three weeks from now, and you don抰
get your check from the cafeteria until棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揇aria, we抳e got enough to make the rent, and we just got groceries yesterday to last a week and a half. Stop worrying about it.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?There
was a little silence. 揑 can抰 help worrying about it,?said the unseen Daria.
牋牋牋牋牋?揈verything抯 going to be fine,?said Jane. 揟rust me. Don抰 worry about it.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揌ow do you know??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?I don抰, thought Jane. 揑 have faith,?she said, 揳nd we have lots of resources left. We抮e the best and the brightest that Laaawndale High ever matriculated.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou mean graduated. To matriculate is to enroll. We graduated.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揊ine. I don抰 know everything, but I do know that we will make it.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria
was quiet for a bit. 揑 wish I had your confidence,?she said at last.
牋牋牋牋牋?So do I, thought Jane. 揕et抯 not forget everything we learned in Mr. O扤eill抯 self-esteem class so soon,?she said. 揥e抮e going to be great parents, and you know it. I can already see us ten years down the road, two soccer moms in a nuclear-powered SUV with a screaming soccer kid in back, maybe three or four screaming soccer kids. Hey, you could take fertility drugs, we could have Trent come over with a turkey baster, and you could have identical . . . what抯 the word for eight kids at once??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟he word is 憂ightmare.?Don抰 make me puke, too.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane smiled. 揧ou remember what you told me last summer, when we first talked about having a baby??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑 said you were insane and I never wanted to see you again.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揘o,
after that. You thought about it, and then you said it was your duty梱ou called
it your 慴iological imperative挆to improve the human gene pool. You said棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揑 was delusional and hallucinating, and I caught it from hanging around you.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑f I recall correctly, you said we were the perfect people to be parents. We knew every mistake ever made by our parents, so we could avoid them all. We would have the best baby in the universe because it would be ours and thus totally perfect, despite the obvious genetic and environmental failures present elsewhere in our families, by which I think you meant everyone but us. You said it, so stop worrying about it.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑 can抰 help it, Jane. I can抰 stop worrying about it.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, Daria. Even if everything screws up, we can always join the circus.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揓ane,?said Daria from her stall, 搄ust as soon as your baby is born, I抦
leaving it with you while I take a two-year vacation in Maui, and you will be
the official barf-and-poop cleaner-upper until I decide to come back, if ever.
And in the meantime, you can take that turkey baster, fill it with napalm, and
you can棓
牋牋牋牋牋?The
restroom door thumped shut as Jane left, snickering.
牋牋牋牋牋?Leaning
against the hallway wall again with Daria抯 coat, Jane had to admit that
Daria抯 worries were valid. They were short of money梐gain梐nd life was
turning into a daily struggle over minutia that was no fun at all. They didn抰
get out as much as they once did, between homework and side jobs, and Daria was
often tired and crabby in the evenings. The nine-month Morgendorffer-Lane
project was two-thirds complete, but what they had started, they had to finish.
They had two decades of work left to go after the baby popped out. What they
were going through now, Jane knew, was the easy part.
牋牋牋牋牋?The
restroom door opened, and Daria came out. She looked tired and withdrawn. Her
hair was a mess.
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou
okay??Jane asked, standing straight.
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria
nodded without looking up.
牋牋牋牋牋?揕et me brush your hair out.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揇oesn抰
matter,?Daria mumbled, but she stood still while Jane produced a small
hairbrush from her voluminous coat pockets and gently put Daria抯 long brown hair
in order. When she was done, Jane pocketed the hairbrush, then raised Daria抯
head by her chin and looked into the weary brown eyes behind the large, round
glasses.
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou
look good,?said Jane. She kissed Daria on the forehead. Her arms went
naturally around Daria, and Daria抯 went around her. Jane felt the baby bulge
between them. After a moment, she felt it move.
牋牋牋牋牋?揔icked me, too,?said Jane. 揋irl or boy, it抯 definitely got your personality.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou
deserved it,?mumbled Daria, but she did not sound angry.
牋牋牋牋牋?They
set off together down the hall, Jane抯 arm around her smaller partner. 揑 love
you,?Jane whispered.
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria
said nothing. She stared at the floor, but her head rested momentarily against
Jane抯 shoulder.
牋牋牋牋牋?A
thin, twenty-something blonde sat at a table outside the large room in which
the childbirth classes were being given. She radiated cheer from every pore in
her body.
牋牋牋牋牋?揌i!?said the young woman with a perky smile. 揂re you here for the childbirth classes??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧es,?said Jane.
牋牋牋牋牋?揘o,?Daria grumbled. 揑抦 here for my methadone shot.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揗etha-what??the perky blonde asked.
牋牋牋牋牋?揥e抮e
Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane,?said Jane, pointing to their names on the
clipboard paperwork in front of the seated blonde. Daria made a face, putting a
hand on her abdomen and twisting her left foot to work a cramp out of her calf.
牋牋牋牋牋?揥hen
are you due??asked the perky blonde.
牋牋牋牋牋?揘ot soon enough.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, being pregnant is so wonderful, even if it抯 a teensy bother sometimes!?said the young woman with a sympathetic shake of the head. 揑 know how you must feel.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揜eally??said Daria in a dangerous tone. 揟hen, do you feel like a big bloated walrus
that抯 about vomit on everything within twenty feet of you? Because that抯 how
I feel.?She put a hand over her mouth, looking queasy.
牋牋牋牋牋?The
blonde stared at Daria in horror. Stirred into action, she quickly checked off
their names and handed them stick-on nametags.
牋牋牋牋牋?揟hank
you!?Jane called to the blonde as she escorted Daria to the classroom.
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria muttered something under her breath that ended with 搚ou?but did not start with 搕hank.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane looked at Daria with concern. 揧ou okay??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑t started out as play acting,?said Daria, still uneasy, 揵ut it almost turned into Technicolor reality. I抦 okay now. I think.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Twelve
pairs of chairs were arranged in two semicircles around the classroom. These
chairs faced two chairs where a man and a woman sat, surrounded by stacks of
booklets and papers in plastic bags. Almost all the seats were already taken by
attractive male-female or female-female couples who watched Daria and Jane with
mild curiosity. Jane stuck her nametag to her red sweater and handed the other
nametag to Daria, who wadded it up and dropped it on the floor.
牋牋牋牋牋?After
Jane hung their coats on hooks near the door, they headed for the thickly
padded chairs. Daria wore a long black dress with a high, elastic waistband and
a light, forest-green vest. Her gold necklace displayed a small gold owl charm.
In addition to her bright red sweater, Jane wore black pants and had a colorful
silk scarf knotted loosely around her neck. Both had black boots that tracked
melted slush over the tile floor.
牋牋牋牋牋?揌i, there!?called the woman who appeared to be a group leader. 揑抦 Jane. Welcome to the Greater Boston Women抯 Health Center. You look wonderful tonight!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria
snorted.
牋牋牋牋牋?揟hanks!?said Jane. 揑抦 a Jane, too. Small world.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揋reat!
And you are . . .?The new Jane looked in vain for Daria抯 nametag.
牋牋牋牋牋?揔nocked
up,?said Daria tensely.
牋牋牋牋牋?The new Jane smiled. 揧es, there抯 a lot of that going around. Did you get a nametag??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟his is Daria,?said Jane Lane. 揥e drove in from Raft. She goes to classes there, and I go to Boston Fine Arts College.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揇aria
and Jane. That抯 great,?said the new Jane. 揗y husband Tom and I have run
childbirth classes for棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揥hat??said Daria suddenly, looking from the new Jane to her bald, bearded male
partner.
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h,?said the man, who grinned and waved. 揑抦 Tom, Tom Slone. That抯 funny, you
know. I got my degree at Raft just棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揟om
Sloane??Daria said in shock.
牋牋牋牋牋?揧es,?said the man. He looked puzzled. 揇o I know you from somewhere??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揘o, no!?Jane spoke quickly, though she was taken aback as well. 揥e knew another Tom Sloane, but it wasn抰 you. It was a different one.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟om and Jane??Daria said, looking from one to the other. 揟om and Jane Sloane? S-L-O-A-N-E??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揘ot really. It抯 S-L-O-N-E,?said the man, confused. 揟here抯 no A in it.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揇aria,?said Jane urgently and quietly, 損lease be rational. Don抰棓
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria
turned on her heel and waddled out of the room. Jane ran after her while the
other couples in the room watched them go and whispered, shaking their heads.
Arguing voices echoed down the hall.
牋牋牋牋牋?A
half-minute later, Jane brought Daria back. Daria抯 dark expression could have
been set in concrete.
牋牋牋牋牋?揌ere we are,?said Jane lightly, not looking at anyone as she led Daria to a pair of chairs far from the Slones. 揥e抣l sit right here.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥ould
you rather I left the room??asked Tom Slone with visible concern.
牋牋牋牋牋?揧es,?Daria hissed softly.
牋牋牋牋牋?揘o, no, no, it抯 okay,?said Jane, sitting on Daria抯 left. 揑t抯 fine. We just knew a Tom Slone somewhere else, and it . . . it, uh, turned into a stressful situation. It抯 okay, because you抮e not the same Tom.?She turned to Daria. 揌e抯 okay, all right??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria
glared at the floor, her jaw tight.
牋牋牋牋牋?揌appy Valentine抯 Day tomorrow, everyone!?said the leader Jane, eyeing Daria longer than she did the other parents-to-be. 揑 don抰 know if the other couple that was suppose to be here tonight will make it, but we抣l go ahead without them. Let抯 go around the room and introduce ourselves. I抦 Jane Slone and this is my husband, Tom.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Tom
waved at the group with a winning grin. Daria looked up and bared her teeth at
him. He quickly looked at someone else.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑抦 Alice Weatherington,?said a friendly pregnant brunette to Daria抯 far right, 揳nd this is my husband Alan. We抮e having a little future football player, Kevin!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria
shuddered.
牋牋牋牋牋?揅hristie Mittleman and Brad Kendall,?said the next pregnant woman, tall and blonde and thin except around her middle. 揥e抮e having a little girl, Brandy Lee!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑 am Svetlana Klein, and this is my sister, Katya Willett. She helps me out so much. Oh, a boy. I am having a boy. His father is away working for his company.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揇aria Morgendorffer,?said Daria in a deadpan voice, 揳nd this is my spouse, Jane Lane. We抮e married, I抦 having her baby, and I don抰 know what sex it is.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane
put her right arm around Daria抯 shoulders, smiled brightly, and waved at the
group. Everyone turned around and stared at the two of them with stunned
expressions.
牋牋牋牋牋?揥e asked the nurses not to tell us the baby抯 sex,?Jane added. 揥e wanted to be surprised.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揕ike
we don抰 have enough surprises,?Daria mumbled.
牋牋牋牋牋??i>Her baby??one woman whispered to her husband. 揇id she say she was having that other girl抯 baby??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou抮e
married to whom??asked Jane Slone from the front of the room. She looked very
confused.
牋牋牋牋牋?揈ach
other,?said Jane, before Daria could answer. She caught Daria抯 left hand in
her own and raised both, showing the backs of their hands to the rest of the
group. The identical gold bands on their ring fingers riveted every pair of
eyes in the room.
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane
thought it was her imagination, but the room seemed to get distinctly colder.
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h!
I thought you were, you know, friends or梥omething,?said Jane Slone
uncertainly. 揂 lot of women come here with friends or family, so I thought棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, we are!?said Jane. 揥e抮e best friends. And married to each other, which is perfect, isn抰 it??She smiled broadly and shrugged. 揥e wanted the best, so we got it!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥ere
you married here in Boston??asked Christie in disbelief.
牋牋牋牋牋?揤ermont, last summer,?said Jane. 揑t was a blast. I took a ton of pictures.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h!?said Christie. 揙h, that抯 right. I forgot about that. Vermont allows civil
unions for gay棓 She broke off, looking embarrassed.
牋牋牋牋牋?揂re
both of you pregnant??asked a woman on the other side of the semicircle.
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, no, no,?said Jane with a half-laugh, 搄ust her. We thought about having me get pregnant, too, but then we抎 need to hire someone to follow each of us around and clean up the vomit, and we didn抰 have the money.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揂nd
she didn抰 want to have sex with her brother,?Daria added. 揑 didn抰 want to
have sex with her brother, either, so we went to this clinic where棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揟oo much information, Daria,?murmured Jane, still smiling. 揝top now.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?There
was a long pause.
牋牋牋牋牋?揙kay! Great!?said Tom with excessive cheer. 揥ho抯 next??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?After introductions, everyone had to tell how many weeks pregnant she was. (揟wenty-four weeks,?said Jane, just as Daria said, 揟wenty-four wretched years.? The Slones then talked about proper maternal health, diet, and exercise. Packets full of prenatal care information were distributed. Jane took the packet from Daria after Daria glared into it and muttered, 揥hat抯 all this junk??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria
listened to the proceedings with a steel face, her lips compressed in a flat
line as if she were being forced to listen to the goings on as a kind of
punishment. The talk about the importance of milk, fruit, and vegetables took
eons.
牋牋牋牋牋?揂lso,
it抯 very important to not try to maintain your old weight, if any of you were
thinking about dieting,?said Tom. 揗any women try to diet during pregnancy,
but attempting to lose weight at this time is a bad idea. You need棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揑
read a book once in which a pregnant woman did succeed in losing weight,?interrupted Daria.
牋牋牋牋牋?Everyone
looked at her. Jane sighed and reached into her pants pocket.
牋牋牋牋牋?揟hat can抰 be right,?said Tom, frowning. 揥hat book was that??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋??i>Rosemary抯
Baby,?said Daria. 揑t抯 about this woman who gets pregnant by Satan, and
her baby棓
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria抯
attention was suddenly distracted by the sound of plastic crinkling in Jane抯
hands. Jane was unwrapping a piece of peanut brittle. Daria grabbed the entire
piece and immediately began eating it. Jane pocketed the wrapper.
牋牋牋牋牋?揋o ahead,?said Jane to the Slones. 揧ou were talking about not dieting.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揝ure,?said Tom in a relieved tone. 揟hanks. That brings up an interesting point. Has anyone else experienced unusual food cravings??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揚(yáng)ineapple-and-barbecued-chicken
pizzas, with a jar of bread-and-butter pickles on the side,?said Jane, nodding
her head in Daria抯 direction. Daria glared at her but continued eating the
peanut brittle. Most of the people in the group shuddered and made gross-out
faces梞ost, but not all.
牋牋牋牋牋?揌ey, that sounds good,?said Alice. She poked her husband. 揑 want one of those delivered when I get home. Order it on the cell phone when we get in the car.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑 want M&Ms,?said another woman. 揜ed ones. The others taste like crap.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?After a short side trek through the topic of food cravings, the session progressed to available resources for expecting women. 揧our packets have lists of books that we strongly recommend,?said Jane Slone. 揧ou don抰 have to get all of these books, of course. If you get even one of them, you抣l find a wealth of information you can use.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria
frowned at the book list in her hands. She had just finished the peanut
brittle. 揑 don抰 see 慣he Breathing Method?here,?she said.
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane Slone looked at Daria with a trace of anxiety. 揑s that on breathing techniques for childbirth, like we抣l be doing next hour??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揝ort
of,?said Daria, still looking at the book list. 揑t抯 a story by Stephen King.
This young pregnant lady learns this breathing method for having her baby, but
then she gets hit by a car, and it cuts off her棓
牋牋牋牋牋?The
sound of crinkling plastic interrupted her. Daria abruptly lowered the list,
looked to her left, and compulsively grabbed for the peanut brittle Jane held.
It was in Daria抯 mouth a second later.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑
hate you,?Daria grumbled, not looking at Jane. Shiny brown bits from her two
snacks decorated the front of her black dress.
牋牋牋牋牋?揙kay!?said Jane Slone with forced cheeriness. 揟he last thing I want to cover in this hour, before we get to breathing practice, is support systems. Pregnancy is a stressful time. Mine certainly were, even though I had the best of help.?She smiled and put a hand briefly on Tom抯 shoulder. 揑 want to go around the room one more time and find out what support systems each of you have, the people you can rely on to help out when the going gets tough. The broader your support system, the better able you will be to get through crises and manage your mental and emotional health. If you have someone you can talk to, someone who listens when you need to share what抯 on your mind, that can be the most wonderful resource there is. Let抯 start with you again, Alice.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, well, other than my husband, there抯 my family and his family, which is about two dozen adults all together. If I抦 having a bad day, I can call on any of them. They抮e very reliable. And I抦 on two committees at our church, and some of those people might help. Father McConnell would, I know. He抯 very good, he listens to everything I blather on about.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟hat抯 great. Christie??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥ell, Brad, of course, he抯 the best. He抯 always there for me. I also have a daughter from my first marriage; she抯 seventeen but very mature, and we can talk about anything. Brad抯 parents are super, and they抣l do about anything. If I really needed someone right on the spot, I could call my neighbors, too. We live in a really close-knit area, everyone knows everyone else, and they抣l do anything to help you. I love them.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟hat抯 excellent. A support system is more than family, that抯 true. Svetlana??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙nly my mother is here out of my family, everyone else has passed on or is still back in Ukraine, but I have many, many friends here, so many friends. Some of the people I work with downtown said that they would help out in any way. It is amazing to me so many people have said they would help. I am very blessed.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥onderful. I抦 really glad to hear that. Um . . . Daria??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Silence.
Daria stared at a spot on the floor near Jane Slone抯 foot. Jane Lane looked at
Daria, then gently touched her on the knee.
牋牋牋牋牋?揥hat??said Daria, blinking and looking up. She seemed fearful for a moment.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑
was asking, who you know around here who would help out if you needed it? Other
than your partner, I mean梡eople who would listen if you needed to talk or come
over if you needed help with棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揘o one,?said Daria in a low voice. 揘o one around here, I mean.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Several
people in the group shifted in their seats. It was very quiet.
牋牋牋牋牋?揂nyone you could call and just talk to? Your family??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?After a beat, Daria shook her head. 揘ot really.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揌er parents are mostly supportive, but they work a lot,?said Jane. 揟hey抮e hard to reach by phone. My family抯 on the road all the time, so I can抰 get any of them. Her sister is our best support, but she抯 usually on a long call with someone else, so we just leave messages and hope she calls back before too long.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane Slone leaned forward in her chair. 揥ere there family issues about the two of you . . . you know, being together??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揘o,?said Jane Lane. 揈veryone was fine with that, for the most part, but they抮e just . . . not available very often. When they are available, they usually aren抰 any help, except Quinn, and it would take her hours to get here by car. Everyone else is a little棓 Jane glanced at Daria, then continued 摋clueless.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥hat about your friends? Do you know any people around here??/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane and Daria both shook their heads. 揥e don抰 know that many people,?Jane said. 揥e抮e both so busy with our schoolwork and part-time jobs, we don抰 have time to go out much, except with each other maybe once or twice a month.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥e抮e
fine,?said Daria in a low tone. She did not look up.
牋牋牋牋牋?揃ut,?said Tom Slone, looking directly at Daria, 搃f your partner, Jane, were gone梚f one day she wasn抰 around, and you really needed to talk to someone or just have someone be with you, who would you call??He forced a smile. 揥ho would give you your peanut brittle if Jane wasn抰 there??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?The
expected laugh did not come. Daria slowly looked at Tom with large round eyes.
The color ran out of her face. Her mouth opened, but she did not speak or
breathe, though it seemed she was trying to do so.
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane
stared at Tom, too, but her gaze was merciless. She reached for Daria抯 left
hand and took it in hers. The gold band on Daria抯 ring finger glittered in the
light from the fluorescent fixtures above, held gently next to the gold band on
Jane抯 ring finger.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑 will be around,?said Jane. 揑 will always be around.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h,?said Tom, 揑 didn抰 mean if you ran off. I only meant if you were, you know, gone on business or . . . whatever.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑抣l
be around,?said Jane flatly.
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria
looked down at the front of her dress. Her right hand came up and picked at a
peanut brittle crumb, which she put in her mouth. Her hand remained raised to
her lips.
牋牋牋牋牋?揂re you all right??Tom asked uneasily. 揑 apologize if my question bothered you. I was just . . . anyway, I抦 sorry.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria
nodded and lowered her hand. She whispered a word that no one could hear, then
looked down at her hand in her lap.
牋牋牋牋牋?揙kay!?said Jane Slone crisply, looking at her watch. 揕et抯 take a fifteen-minute break, then we抣l get started on our breathing exercises. Tom and I have to get out the mats. Soft drink and snack machines are farther down the hall. See you in fifteen!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane
sat with Daria as everyone stood and stretched. It was obvious that everyone
was avoiding them. Everyone left except Jane Slone, who stood by her chair
looking away until the room was empty except for the three of them. Jane Slone
then walked over and sat down next to Daria.
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou okay, sweetie??Jane Slone asked, leaning forward in her seat, hands clasped before her. 揝ounds like things were a little rough there. I apologize for that.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria
nodded slightly.
牋牋牋牋牋?揟hat抯 good.?Jane Slone took a breath. 揂re you sure you want to be here??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane
and Daria looked up, puzzled. 揥hat do you mean??Daria said.
牋牋牋牋牋?揥ell, it抯 just that, I don抰 know, everyone seemed a little uncomfortable when you were talking about being married梩o each other, I mean. That抯 . . . that seemed a little awkward, if you know what I mean.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟hat抯 their problem,?said Jane Lane, frowning. 揟hey抣l have to deal with it.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane Slone made a frowny face, too. 揥ell, that抯 not . . . it抯 not just their problem. You know, when you two said you were married, I thought at first you were joking.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑t抯 not a joke,?said Daria crossly. 揥e really are married.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥ell, no, you抮e not,?said Jane Slone, as if patiently explaining a complex but important legal point. 揗arriage is an act conducted before God, and God joins a man and a woman together, but not a woman and a woman, or a man and a man. You抮e not married. You may think you are, but you抮e really not.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria
and Jane stared at Jane Slone.
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou抮e wrong,?said Jane Lane in surprise. Her voice hardened. 揂nd it抯 not nice to say things like that to people. It makes you look bigoted.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑t抯 also not nice to go against the will of God,?said Jane Slone. 揑抦 trying to help you. You don抰 understand what you抮e saying.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥e抮e
not going against the will of God,?said Jane, her jaw tightening. 揑 can抰
believe you抮e saying that. I believe in God, too, but not in the same way you
do, obviously. Neither of us can prove we抮e right, so what does it棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揘o,?said Jane Slone, 搕hat抯 not true. I am right. You can抰 claim to be
married, because what you抮e saying are words put into your mouth by the Devil,
and棓
牋牋牋牋牋??i>What??Jane gasped, her eyes wide. Daria stared, mouth open.
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou抮e committing a sin by claiming to be married before God, and you抮e committing a sin by the very act of the two of you living together, civil union or not. Do you understand what I抦 saying??/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?The silence lasted three seconds.
牋牋牋牋牋?揋o
. . . to . . . hell!?said Jane Lane, her words white-hot. Her eyes burned
into Jane Slone and did not blink.
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane
Slone looked back at Jane, but in sadness, not in anger. 揑t won抰 be me who
goes to hell,?she said softly. She then stood up and walked away, and the room
was empty except for Daria and Jane and their nine-month project, two-thirds
complete.
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane stood up then, and she walked over and got their coats. 揅ome on,?she said. 揝crew them. Let抯 go home.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria stood. Jane buttoned up her coat, threw on her own coat, and took Daria by the arm. 揥e抮e out of here,?Jane said, heading them both for the door out. 揑抦 getting our money back, too. And I抦 going to file a complaint and call the newspapers and sue them until they go blind. Screw these people if they want to be pissy about everything! Screw them! Piss me off, and see what happens! Screw them all!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria said nothing. They were almost to the end of the hall when Daria came to a stop. Jane stopped and turned to her. Daria looked up with haunted eyes.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑 know you抣l be with me,?Daria said, 揵ut I don抰 know how you can stand me. I抦 sorry I was being such an ass tonight. Everything抯 getting to me. I抦 not any fun anymore. I wouldn抰 blame you if you dumped me and left tomor棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揌ey!?said Jane sharply. She struggled with a sudden rush of anger and shock, then reached out and pulled Daria to her, burying her face in Daria抯 thick hair. They stood in the hall like that in silence for a minute, the baby bridging the space between them so they formed the letter A. Jane smelled the scent of Daria抯 shampoo mixed with the peculiar fragrance that only Daria抯 hair had.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑 love you,?Daria whispered. 揑抦 sorry.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑t抯 not your fault. It抯 them and it抯 everything else, but it抯 not you.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揇on抰 leave me.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑抣l never leave you.?Not like my family left me. Not like everyone but Trent left me there alone in the house, not like they did. Never.
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane caught Daria by the chin and gently raised her head. Their eyes closed and lips met for a long kiss. Afterward, they hugged in silence in the hall. From far away came echoes as the other parents-to-be wandered back to their distant room.
牋牋牋牋牋?揥e need a break,?whispered Jane. 揈verything is wearing us down. We need to break out of our rut.?She pulled back slightly so she could put her forehead against Daria抯. 揗aybe tonight I could put body paint on you again. That was fun.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria groaned. 揧ou抮e nuts. You抮e steaming up my glasses, too. I can抰 see.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?They gave each other a hug. Jane felt a little better, though in the back of her mind was a seed of worry. The other Jane had successfully poisoned the night and possibly the next day, too. She couldn抰 let that happen, not on Valentine抯 Day.
牋牋牋牋牋?揕et抯 make a wish that something will happen to get us out of our rut,?said Jane softly. 揗aybe if we sue these people and clean up, that will do it.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥e抮e not going to sue them,?said Daria tiredly. 揥e抣l get our money back and just forget them.?She sighed. 揧ou抮e right, though. We need out of our rut.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揕et抯 make that wish, then.?Jane took Daria抯 hands in her own. 揅lose your eyes, Sunshine.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟his is dumb.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揅抦on.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria sighed and closed her eyes. Jane leaned close.
牋牋牋牋牋?揇on抰 lick my nose,?Daria warned.
牋牋牋牋牋?Jane was on the verge of doing that, but she changed her mind. 揙ne, two, three, wish,?she whispered. She made her wish and felt Daria go motionless as she did, too.
牋牋牋牋牋?Give us a break, Jane wished. Give us a different day tomorrow, something new, something good. We need that so much. Please help us out this once.
牋牋牋牋牋?They stood in silence, hand in hand. Their arms went around each other again.
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou know what tomorrow is??Jane whispered.
牋牋牋牋牋?揅lean Off My Glasses Day,?said Daria. 揋et Library Books on Parenting Day.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揤alentine抯 Day,?said Jane.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑 said that.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揌appy Valentine抯 Day, Sunshine.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria swallowed and hugged Jane tightly. She raised her mouth to Jane抯 ear.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑 have to go pee,?Daria whispered. 揃ye.?/p>
Original: 5/2/03, modified 12/08/04
FINIS