Polly Andry Rides Again
?005 The Angst Guy (theangstguy@yahoo.com)
Daria and associated characters are ?005 MTV Networks
Feedback (good, bad, indifferent, just want to bother me, whatever) is appreciated. Please write to: theangstguy@yahoo.com
Synopsis: Jeffy, Joey, or Jamie? Quinn can抰 make up her mind which boy she wants to be with, so she picks . . . all of them.
Author's Notes: This story began as a joke PPMB message I posted in December 2004 in response to something Richard Lobinske said in response to something Kara Wild said, but for the life of me I can抰 figure out how what either of them said inspired this tale, which became a full-fledged story for a PPMB Iron Chef contest by Prince Charon in October 2005. Prince Charon postulated that a ?span class=postbody>character is given a bit of relationship advice: 慣reat everyone you love as if they, or you, might die tomorrow, because anyone can get hit by a bus, or struck by lightning, or any of a zillion other deadly things, and then it would be to late.?And so this story appeared. Enjoy!
Acknowledgements: Thanks, Kara and Richard and Prince Charon!
*
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria frowned as she tried to focus on her book. She was comfortable enough lying on her bed, but the unwelcome voices from downstairs continued to intrude on her concentration. It was a bad way to start her last weekend at home before college, and things appeared to be going downhill.
牋牋牋牋牋?揃ut Mom, it抯 okay! We抮e in love!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟his isn抰 love, Quinn! It抯 an abomination!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揗uuuh-ooom, this has nothing do to with those snowmen! This is a people relationship!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou and three boys at once is not a relationship, young lady! It抯 an orgy!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揅all it what you want, but Jeffy, Joey, and Jeremy really love me!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揓amie. My name is J棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揝hut up! Listen to me, Mom!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?換uinn, I am not letting you and your stud harem sleep together in this house!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揗om, you can抰 stop us! Our love is pure and will not be denied!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥ow, Quinn, that抯 so beautif棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揝hut up, Jeffy! Mom, give us a break!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑抣l give you a break! I抣l give you so many breaks, you抣l be in the hospital in traction for a year!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揃ut Mom, what if like my guardian angel thinks it抯 time to summon me to my eternal award or whatever but I haven抰 yet tasted the sweet nectar of erotical passion or drunk deep from the highball glass of . . . of . . .um . . .?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揝ensual pleasure.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揝hut up, Joey! I can do this without your help! Sensual pleasure, Mom!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟he answer is no, Quinn! No, no, big N little O exclamation mark, no!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥hat about the garage? We can sleep in the SUV and棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揥hat part of 慖抦 locking you in the basement until you抮e thirty?do you not understand? No! I抦 not letting you sleep with these hormone-crazed, jail-bound chimpanzees anywhere in this house, and you can抰 go in the garage anyway because your father locked himself in there when I told him Rita and Amy were coming over to talk some sense into you!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟hen we抣l go somewhere else and bite the fruit of forbidden . . . uh, fruit! We抣l bite the forbidden fruit until the sensual pleasures run down our chins!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙hmigod, I can抰 stand it! My house, Quinn!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揗ine! My parents have a king-size waterbed!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揌ot tub! We have an indoor棓
牋牋牋牋牋??i style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>Shut up!?br> 牋牋牋牋牋?揝HUT UP ALL OF YOU! QUINN, NO!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, I knew you抎 be all right-wing about it! Daria said you wouldn抰 understand!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria flinched. She peered over the top of her book at her closed bedroom door.
牋牋牋牋牋?揇aria??Her mother抯 voice had a dangerous edge. 揥hat抯 Daria got to do with this??/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥ell, see, we were talking 慶ause she and I talk more now than we used to and we抮e almost kinda like sisters even though we are sisters and she said I should treat everyone that I love or like liked or just liked or kind of liked or maybe a little liked like we all might get run over by a bus or train or something, even if we抮e not as close to the train tracks as we could be, because if we got hit by lightning, it would be too late!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋??i style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>What??/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揗uuuh-ooom! You know, it抯 like hippies, okay? How you and Dad always said that you said, 慙ive for today, don抰 worry about tomorrow,?before we were born, and Daria said we should think about that that because if I like fell off a cliff or something, like if we were camping on a mountaintop and I was trying to dry my nails but they wouldn抰 dry because of the altitude and I was standing by a cliff waving my hands like this and the rocks gave way and I fell and Jeffy, Joey, and Jimmy棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揓amie. It抯棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揝hut up! If they weren抰 around to grab me and save me, then I would die a virgin and never know the bliss of intimate relations like you told me about when I was eleven even though it sort of grossed me out that a guy would ever want to do that or that I would ever want to let a guy do that, and I sort of wished for a long time you hadn抰 told me about the stunt car driver or the rock band you used to follow around or how you got initiated into the commune, and I was so grossed out I promised myself I would never even slow dance with anyone until the fifth date, but then after talking with Daria I thought, wow, maybe having three guys at once like I think you did with that rock band isn抰 gross after all, and what if like one day the raspberry vinaigrette in the school cafeteria went bad and I got sick but not gross sick, just beautiful sick like in the movies, and everyone at school came to visit me and they all cried, even Sandi and she cried the hardest and the Fashion Club was forced to disband and the school had a huge fundraiser to buy a new kidney or something for me but I passed away even though the handsomest doctor in the world was at my side and wept for me while he held my hand, I would still be a virgin, and I thought, eww, who wants that? I mean, why wait? So I looked around and Jeffy, Joey, and Jamie happened to be there when I was looking around and I said, 慪ou guys want to get laid??and they all looked at me and at the exact same moment they all said棓
牋牋牋牋牋??i style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>DARIA!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria winced and tried to hide behind her book. Angry feet stamped up the stairs, and the bedroom door banged open a moment later to reveal a towering, smoldering, rage-consumed presence filling the doorway.
牋牋牋牋牋??i style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>Daria Marie Morgendorffer, what did you do??roared her mother.
牋牋牋牋牋?With a sigh, Daria dog-eared the page she was reading and closed her book. 揊ound me,?she said blandly. 揂m I 慽t??/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥hat did you tell your sister to cause her to turn into a brainless slut??/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揑 don抰 think I should answer that,?said Daria with a sigh. 揂t least, not in the way I抎 like to.?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟ell her about Polly Andry, Daria!?cried Quinn from downstairs. 揟he lady who had lots of husbands! Tell Mom about her!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋??i style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>What??shouted their mother.
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria believed she could see live steam rising from her mother抯 head and shoulders. This little prank isn抰 turning out well, she thought. 揥hat Quinn means,?she began cautiously, 搃s that she and I were talking about, uh, different ways that different people get married in different cultures, and how some cultures棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揇aria, show Mom how you figured out that three net incomes plus my income if I get a job as a neck model would make the four of us millionaires by the time we were twenty-five!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揢h棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揥ere you telling your sister that she should have sex with three boys at once??/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揢m, not棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揝how Mom that website you showed me that shows how you can do it with three guys, Daria! Show her! I bet it抯 just like you were with that rock band, Mom!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋??i style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>QUINN!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, fudge, I抦 tired of waiting. Everybody to the hot tub at Jamal抯 house!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揂ll right!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧eee-haaaw!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揓amal, yeah, that抯 my name!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria抯 mother whirled and ran for the stairs. 換uinn! You抮e grounded until the next Ice Age! Come back here! Quinn!?/p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Once it was quiet again, Daria took the time to pack a few things and head for Jane抯 house, even though Jane was at that art colony in Ashfield again and only her brother Trent was around. Which was the whole point. And while she was there with Trent, Daria planned to call up Ted and Tom and have them come over, too. They always had before. Every single time.
牋牋牋牋牋?Live for today, don抰 worry about tomorrow. Daria nodded. As a guiding philosophy for life, it made a lot of sense. Funny that she and Quinn would pick it up just like their mother had. It must run in the family. Daria thought of the weekend to come, and she smiled.
牋牋牋牋牋?And shivered.
Original: 10/29/05
FINIS