More Than Just Lost
?004 The Angst Guy
(theangstguy@yahoo.com)
Daria and associated
characters are ?004 MTV Networks
Feedback (good, bad, indifferent,
just want to bother me, whatever) is appreciated. Please write to:
theangstguy@yahoo.com
Synopsis: Jane Lane and Alison meet
once again, a few years after the events of Is It Fall Yet? in this play
for three voices. However, much has changed, and the meeting does not come out
as expected.
Author抯
Notes: This
play was written in response to DJW抯 Iron Chef challenge on PPMB, in August
2004: 揂 Step Too Far.?In a story of about 1,000 words, someone in the
Dariaverse must be shown going 揳 step too far.?Also, the story had to include
at least one movie quote and the word shenanigan(s). I tried something
different here, writing the story as pure dialog in the manner of a radio play.
You will have to fill in the setting and all the other details in your mind.
The story ran over the 1,000-word limit of the challenge, but it is about going
a step too far, and it has the magic word in it.
牋牋牋牋牋?The title is from a remark Jane Lane
makes to camp counselor Daria Morgendorffer in Is It Fall Yet?: 揂ny kid
who looks to you for nurturing is more than just lost.?The thought seemed to
have some relevance here, too.
Acknowledgements: My thanks go to DJW for the
intriguing challenge. The story owes its existence
to brainstorming between Lawndale Stalker, RLobinske, TerraEsperZ, and myself
on another PPMB thread, 揇aria meets more aliens.?Thank you, all!
*
ALISON:
Oh! I抦 sorry, I didn抰 know this booth was . . . Jane?
JANE:
Excuse me?
ALISON:
Oh, my God! I knew it! I knew it! Don抰 you remember me?
JANE:
Alison?
ALISON:
Yeah! Jane! Hey, surprise meeting you in here! Guess I win my bet after all!
JANE: Um, I don抰 remember that we had a bet going about?o:p>
ALISON:
You抮e looking good! I like that leather cycle jacket. Nice pants, too. Real
butch. [laughs] Are you waiting on someone?
JANE:
No. I抦 here by myself.
ALISON:
Hey, if it抯 all right with you, mind if I sit down just for a moment?
JANE:
Uh, sure.
ALISON:
Are you about to go somewhere? Got some shenanigans planned for later?
JANE:
No. Just sitting, drinking, enjoying the quiet seconds between those noisy
dance numbers.
ALISON:
Sounded like you were going somewhere. I like your hair long like that. That抯
a great cut. Are you a biker now?
JANE:
Sort of. I have one out back.
ALISON:
[laughs] Wow, you really have changed since high school! I mean, since I saw
you last. This place is great. You know, I used to come in here when I was
taking undergraduate classes downtown. The Glass Cavern is Middleton抯 only hot
spot for chicks to meet chicks, but you probably know that, right? The d閏or抯
improved, I must say. It used to be called Lothl?/span>rien, after some place in The Lord of the Rings,
I think. It had this big fake tree in the middle of the dance floor that took
up all the space. It was awful. It looked like it had been poured out of a
concrete mixer and had splotches of mismatched brown all over it, like chimpanzees
had thrown the paint at it. God, I抦 such a conversation hog. What have you
been doing with yourself the last few years?
JANE: Oh . . . the usual. You saw me before I went into my senior year of high school, and I graduated and went to Boston Fine Arts College, got?o:p>
ALISON:
No way! Bee-fak? You went to Bee-fak?
JANE:
Yeah. I抳e heard it called worse. It was like paying someone to hit you with
baseball bats every time you dared put a brush to canvas, but I survived.
ALISON:
[laughs] I can imagine! Wow, Bee-fak is like . . . wow! I抳e heard that they
have really hard classes! That抯 one of the best art schools there is! How did
you get in?
JANE:
Sent them a portfolio of my stuff and an envelope of bribe money. They actually
rejected me the first time I sent the application in, then took me on the
second try. Lucky break.
ALISON:
Oh, baby, luck had nothing to do with it. I saw your work, remember? At that
summer art camp in Ashville? Your stuff was great! I knew you抎 make it! Are
you still in college?
JANE:
No. I graduated last week. Four years, all behind me.
ALISON:
Last week? You抮e kidding! How did you graduate at the end of a fall semester?
JANE:
I didn抰 get in until the spring semester after high school. They rejected me
for the fall the year before.
ALISON: But you got in! That抯 all that counts. That is so great! What was it like to?o:p>
JANE:
Wait. Excuse me, Linda? Can I have another one of these? And can Sheri put a
little more whiskey in it?
LINDA:
Sure thing, hon.
ALISON:
Um, can you get me a house beer? Jane, let me pick up the bill for the drinks,
okay?
JANE:
I抣l pay for mine.
ALISON:
No, please, let me.
JANE: No, really?o:p>
ALISON:
Jane, listen. I . . . just let me do it, all right? I really feel bad about the
. . . look, here it is. I really screwed it up the last time we saw each other.
I was wrong. I抳e been thinking about it a lot in the last few years, really I
have, and I was a jerk. I抦 really sorry, okay?
JANE:
Sorry for what?
ALISON: All that stuff about . . . about coming on to you. I was . . . I really liked you. I did, I抦 not lying about it. And we had too much to drink, and then I tried to?o:p>
JANE:
You said you were never wrong about the vibes people gave off.
ALISON: I was being an asshole. I抦 really?o:p>
JANE:
But you were right. You even said something about it when you saw me here.
We抮e sitting in a gay bar that抯 ninety-eight percent full of lesbians, and I
am, mostly, and you were right. I went out with my share of guys, too, but this
is how it fell out for me in the end, so you were right about my vibes. I just
didn抰 know it then. Took a while.
ALISON:
Well, it was still . . . you were just a kid back then, and . . . I was trying
to get you drunk. Underage, too. I shouldn抰 have . . . I just shouldn抰 have.
JANE:
Eh. I was almost eighteen, and I already had a taste for wine and liquor. A
little pot, too, when no one was looking. Came from hanging around my brother
Trent and his band. Bad influence. Least I didn抰 get his tastes in music, too.
ALISON:
Yeah, families are like that sometimes, I guess. I抦 still . . . I still feel
bad.
JANE:
Why?
ALISON:
Uh, I dunno. We like sort of had that fight when I went off with that artist
guy, Daniel I抦-So-Full-Of-Crap Dotson, before camp was out. He was such a jerk.
I was sort of seeing him and hoping to get my stuff out in a gallery somewhere,
because I thought he had some connections I could use, and I thought he might
be a fun guy, too, but . . . anyway, you called me on it, and I knew you were
right, but I was like, hey, what do you know, you抮e just in high school, and I
just blew you off like those other morons at camp did. I sold out, and
everything went downhill. Anyway, whatever, I抦 just sorry it happened. It was
stupid. I wish I抎 had more sense.
JANE:
It抯 over with.
ALISON:
Dotson, all he gave me in the end was chlamydia. Jeez, that hurt.
JANE:
I bet.
ALISON:
[pause] You抮e still kind of mad at me, aren抰 you?
JANE:
Uh, no. I was mad at you at the time, because . . . forget it. It抯 past.
ALISON:
No, talk to me, please. I wanna talk about this, okay? It抯 important to me. I
really did feel bad about it.
JANE:
[pause] Well, I told you about my friend, Daria, and how I came to be at
Ashfield, right?
ALISON:
She stole your boyfriend, and you were sort of running away from it all.
JANE:
Yeah, but we made up over it later on. No, really, we did. I should have
thought more about why . . . anyway, it doesn抰 matter now. Let抯 let it go.
ALISON:
Daria still around?
JANE:
I guess. I don抰 know.
ALISON: Are you still seeing her? I mean, she抯 your friend, right? I didn抰 mean she was like your girlfriend or anything, just?o:p>
JANE:
Let it go.
ALISON:
Oh. Things . . . better shut up, I guess. Right?
JANE:
Why are you here?
ALISON:
Oh. Um . . . oh, I used to come here a lot, and I, uh, I wanted to come back
and sort of . . . uh . . .
JANE:
Drop in, hang around, see what was up?
ALISON:
Uh, sort of. I live over on the north side now. I have a one-room efficiency,
kind of a big closet with a bed and bathroom and kitchenette. Nothing much.
Wanna hear something funny? I work at the Toyota plant by the Interstate. I
used to work third shift, but I got my hours changed around two months ago and
now I抦 on first shift, so I can stay out at night again. I抦 a janitor. That抯
pretty funny, isn抰 it? Not what you抎 think an artist would do. If I was a
real artist, I mean. I mean, it抯 funny, me being out like this and meeting you
here like this . . . you know, this isn抰 working.
JANE:
What isn抰 working?
ALISON:
I抦 . . . I抦 kind of being an asshole. Again.
JANE:
How?
ALISON:
[pause] I knew you抎 be here. The bartender called me. I . . . I told her about
you, that I knew you from that art camp, you know, when your pictures and that
award thing showed up in the papers last year. It was sort of exciting, except
the way . . . well, how we sort of parted. [pause] That wasn抰 too good. I
wanted so much to tell everyone that I knew someone famous, but I couldn抰,
because when you and I left each other, we were sort of . . . I made a mess of
things, and . . . anyway, what happened tonight was, the bartender called me an
hour ago and said you were here, and I . . . I drove over as fast as I could
go. [pause] You know, I can抰 believe I did this. This isn抰 working out. I should
go.
JANE:
Where are you going?
ALISON:
Home. Look, I knew you抎 be here, and I already knew you were at Bee-fak, and
I抎 read about you winning that competition to build that statue or memorial or
whatever for that plane that crashed in Pennsylvania, for the passengers who
were fighting the terrorists, and I thought梐nd this was really stupid桰
thought I might . . . uh, I抦 sorry.
JANE:
You thought what?
ALISON: It was stupid. I thought you could maybe get . . . I抦 sorry. Look, I haven抰 done anything with my art for two years. I gave it up. Everything I tried to do to get into the galleries and exhibitions just blew up on me, and sleeping with everyone and their dogs, that didn抰 work, and the one time I did get into a show, two years ago in Leeville, the newspapers said my work was like big splashes of pastel vomit. All my art, everything I抳e worked on for all these years, they said it was?[laughs] I shouldn抰 laugh, but they said it was pastel vomit, and that抯 . . . [pause] I抦 sorry. I don抰 have a tissue or anything, and here I抦 all?o:p>
JANE:
Here.
ALISON:
Thanks. Half a napkin is better than nothing, I guess.
JANE:
So, you came here wanting to see me, or?
ALISON: I don抰 want to tell you what I came here to do. You can probably guess, anyway. The first thing I thought when I heard you were here was, ohmigod, if I could get you to look at my work, or maybe . . . I even thought . . . I can抰 look at you and say this, but I thought if I could get you to . . . I can抰 say it. The bartender said you were here, and I knew only lesbians came here, so I thought maybe you and I, we might, um?o:p>
JANE: You thought you could get me to sleep with you, and?o:p>
ALISON:
Yeah. And maybe you抎 might be impressed enough to get my work into a gallery
somewhere. Yes, that抯 exactly what happened. That抯 it exactly. I抦 a total
slut, I really am. I抎 do anything to get my stuff out because it抯 not going
anywhere, and you are going somewhere! You really are! I saw your
sketches for that memorial statue, and those were桱esus! Why can抰 I have ideas
like that? Why can抰 I do what you can do? I feel like I can抰 do anything! I抎
cut off my legs to be able to come up with the stuff you can! And you got one
of your works into the MOMA in New York before you even got out of
undergraduate school! I mean梔amn!
JANE: I wasn抰 trying to get it there. Someone bought it and?o:p>
ALISON:
Yeah, right, like it . . . it . . . oh, crap. Forget it. I抦 sorry. I was
drinking before I even got here. I can抰 believe I did this. I can抰 believe I
did this.
JANE:
Our drinks are here. Thanks, Linda.
LINDA:
Separate checks?
ALISON:
No, no, no. Me. I抦 paying. Please? This once, okay?
JANE:
Uh . . . fine. Whatever.
ALISON:
I抣l finish my drink, and then I抣l go.
JANE:
You know, for someone who talks a lot about leaving, you don抰 go anywhere very
quickly.
ALISON:
[pause] You抮e right.
JANE:
Sit down.
ALISON:
No.
JANE:
Sit down. Sit down.
ALISON:
[pause] I抳e been a jerk. Just like last time.
JANE:
Stop it.
ALISON:
[pause] Sorry.
JANE:
For the love of all things holy, would you stop talking about leaving and stop
apologizing? You抮e worse than my brother Wind between marriages.
ALISON:
[weak laughter] Okay. [pause] Do you have another napkin?
JANE:
Take the rest of it. I didn抰 use it.
ALISON:
Thank you. [pause] You know, I was sitting in my apartment an hour ago, and I抎
already killed half a six-pack, and I just felt like I was dead. Just like I
was dead, only I was still walking around and going to work and coming home and
drinking until I fall asleep, or . . . I抣l stop. [pause] Then Sheri called and
said you were here, and I ran right out the door to my car and . . . and . . .
here I am. Glad I didn抰 kill anybody.
JANE:
Where抯 your art?
ALISON: It抯 . . . I left it back at the apartment. It抯 in a closet in some boxes. I had this plan that I?o:p>
JANE:
Would get me to come back to your place and see it.
ALISON:
Yeah. [pause] I can抰 drink this beer. I won抰 be able to drive afterward.
Shouldn抰 have driven over here to begin with. I抦 drinking too much lately.
It抯 just . . . I dunno.
JANE:
Are you seeing someone?
ALISON:
What? Oh. No. I was seeing, uh, some guys . . . and, uh, some, uh, some girls,
too, in last few years, but no one for long. Just whoever would have me for a
while, I guess. I dunno. It抯 not been going very well.
JANE:
You come here often?
ALISON:
No. Well, yeah, I used to. Everyone got too used to me, though. I complain too
much. I抦 not very likeable nowadays. Used to be able to get . . . I used to .
. . anyway, no. I guess that answers your question.
JANE:
I was thinking . . .
ALISON:
You抮e probably better at it than I am.
JANE:
I was thinking that when I met you, back at the art camp, I really liked your
attitude.
ALISON:
My what? My attitude?
JANE:
Yeah.
ALISON:
What did you like about it?
JANE:
Well, to begin with, you were funny and sarcastic and made all kinds of jokes
about the posers and airheads and other people there who were so full of
themselves, like Dotson. I liked that in you. You didn抰 pretend to be anyone
but you, except at the end when you went off with Dumbo. You reminded me
sometimes of a friend I had.
ALISON:
That Daria you told me about?
JANE:
Yeah.
ALISON:
I had more of a sense of humor in those days. Seems to have gotten away from me
lately. I let it out for a walk one day and?i>ffft, off it went.
JANE:
How much are you drinking?
ALISON:
Uh . . . I dunno. Six pack a night, sometimes other stuff. It抯 making me gain
weight, I know, but it helps me sleep.
JANE:
It kills pain.
ALISON:
What? Oh, I . . . I dunno. I guess. [pause] You know, I really liked you back
then, too. You had a . . . I don抰 know what to call it. You just knew
yourself. You knew what you wanted to do, and you did it. Even when you were
pissed off or tired or whatever, you still knew who you were. Centered, I think
that抯 the word. You were centered. You still are.
JANE:
I remember someone else told me something like that, too.
ALISON:
Daria.
JANE:
Yeah.
ALISON: What is the story with her? I know I shouldn抰 ask, but you keep mentioning her, and?o:p>
JANE:
Yeah. [pause] We were best friends in school. We were each other抯 only
friends, really. She moved to Lawndale from Texas when we were in tenth grade.
We hung out together after school. We were outcasts, but it was fun anyway. We
had each other and pizza and the TV, and that was great. We did all kinds of
stuff together.
ALISON:
Was she like your girlfriend?
JANE:
No, it wasn抰 like that. We were dating boys at the time. I was, anyway. I had
one boyfriend that she wound up stealing. You know about that, I think.
ALISON:
I remember.
JANE:
So, anyway, we got over it, which I know is never supposed to happen in real
life, but we did. We did, but sometimes I wondered about that, how it was that
I was okay more or less with letting her back into my life after all that. She
ended up dumping the guy later, which was sort of funny since it looked like it
was so important for her to take him away from me to begin with. Big waste of
time for both of us, looking back at it. So, we both went to Boston after
school was out. She got into Raft as a liberal arts major, and I got into
Bee-fak, and after a few years, here I am.
ALISON:
You . . . I have to ask, did the two of you桰 mean, what happened?
JANE:
Well . . . we hung out a lot at college, for the first two years, anyway. It
was like high school, except we were totally on our own. It was great. We even
did summer school together. Then we had a little party at the end of her
sophomore finals, just her and me in her dorm room, and we killed some wine
coolers and got sort of wasted, and . . . things went too far. [pause] Well, as
long as we抮e being totally honest here, I made a pass at her.
ALISON:
Oh.
JANE:
I kissed her, is what happened. I caught her by the head and kissed her hard,
like I wanted her. And I did, I think. I wasn抰 even thinking about it. No,
that抯 not right. I had thought about it a lot. I kept wondering why I wanted
to be with her after she stole my boyfriend, and why she wanted to dump him and
be with me, and I kept thinking we had something going that was more than just
being best friends. We抎 been through so much together, and it just seemed like
. . . like it was something else. I had it all wrong, though. [pause] It all
started with you.
ALISON:
What? Me?
JANE:
You. You told me at camp, when you made that pass at me, that you were never
wrong about someone抯 sexuality. You didn抰 say it like that, but that抯 what
you meant. It really shook me up. I kind of freaked out and didn抰 go to sleepovers
with Daria for a while after that. Which is sort of funny, in a way, because I
liked going to her place or having her come over to mine for sleepovers.
[pause] I used to wake up and look at her when she was asleep, and . . . it
gave me such a good feeling. I felt like I had everything right there with me.
And sometimes I thought about kissing her. I didn抰, it was just too weird for
me, but I thought about it and it didn抰 go away. So then, going back to what
happened, I got smashed and kissed her, and that blew it. She freaked out. She
sort of came to halfway through the kiss and shoved me away from her and she
yelled, 揇amn it!?She goes, 揇amn it, damn it, damn it to hell!?and
she threw me out of her dorm room, all the time rubbing her mouth off. Rubbing
me off her mouth. Getting the taste of me out of her.
ALISON:
Oh.
JANE:
And that was pretty much the end of it. I抣l skip over a whole lot of stuff and
just say we tried to make it work after that, but it didn抰. We couldn抰 be
just friends anymore. She was straight, no matter what I said or did. We
finally stopped seeing each other about a year and a half ago. It hurt too much
to even try to talk. [pause] I went to her graduation at Raft last May. I wore
sunglasses and stayed in the back of the audience. She got her diploma and then
left with her family. I don抰 know if she told them about what happened.
[pause] She抯 in France right now, taking a year off before grad school. I want
to write to her or call her or something, but it wouldn抰 do any good. It抯
over. I lost my best and only friend. All gone, like my drink here.
ALISON: Oh. And I caused it, the breakup, by?o:p>
JANE: No, you didn抰 do that. You?o:p>
ALISON: But you just said that I?o:p>
JANE:
No, listen to me. I said that you梬hat I meant was, you were the one who woke
me up to who I really was. I抎 been having thoughts about going out with girls
all my life, here and there, but nothing serious. Or at least nothing that I
thought was serious. I like guys, don抰 get me wrong, and I抳e sure had my
share of them, but I have a little something for women, too. More than a
little, actually, of late. Not so much into guys now. Anyway, I am what I am,
and that抯 all that I am. You know, Popeye was on to something.
ALISON:
I don抰 know what to say.
JANE:
There抯 nothing to say. Could use another drink, though.
ALISON:
Did you drive over here?
JANE:
Rode my bike in from Lawndale.
ALISON: Oh, right. You shouldn抰 . . . I don抰 want to be a pest, but you shouldn抰 drink that if you抮e?o:p>
JANE:
I抦 staying over for the night. The manager抯 got a spare room upstairs.
ALISON:
You know the manager?
JANE:
Yeah. My brother Trent抯 band used to play here, but everyone hated them. She
and I got along okay, though. I rented the room when I came in this evening, so
I could just stay the night and relax.
ALISON:
You抮e crashing here so you don抰 crash out there.
JANE:
Yeah. That抯 it. I like the way you put that.
ALISON: Thanks. Where are you staying? I mean, not here, but?o:p>
JANE:
My parents?place in Lawndale. I still have my old room. Hasn抰 been cleaned in
years, though. Smells kind of bad. I think I left a sandwich or something under
my bed once, but I don抰 want to look and find out.
ALISON:
Is your family still there?
JANE:
Some of them. My oldest brother Wind抯 living in now, divorced again. He抯 in
some kind of group therapy thing where they forbid you to go out with anyone at
all for six months. I don抰 think he抣l make it. I think he抯 dating one of the
other people in his group already. That never works. Figures, though, with
Wind. Everyone else is in and out every few weeks.
ALISON:
Where are you going after this? After school, I mean.
JANE:
Oh. I抦 taking time off to work on the memorial project in Pennsylvania,
starting in January. I抦 working with a guy who抯 doing the main part of the
memorial. I抦 doing the sculptures. Then I抦 going to Yale for graduate
studies, next fall.
ALISON:
Yale? Yale?You抮e kid梟o, I guess you抮e not. Oh, man, that抯 . . .
that抯 great. That抯 kind of expensive there, though, isn抰 it? I mean, unless
you got a scholarship or something . . . oh. Oh.
JANE:
Yeah.
ALISON:
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
JANE:
That was what I thought.
ALISON:
Oh, my God. When did you get it?
JANE:
The letter came this morning. Wind called me on my cell phone and read the
letter to me, when he wasn抰 crying all over everything about whoever his new
ex-wife is. I can抰 keep them straight anymore.
ALISON:
Oh, my God. I can抰 believe it.
JANE:
Wind is always getting divorced. It抯 nothing new.
ALISON:
No, I mean about the scholarship. I can抰 believe it.
JANE:
That makes two of us. Are you okay?
ALISON:
I抦 . . . [laughs] I抦 sorry I抦 saying I抦 sorry, but . . . I am sorry because
I抦 crying like this. It抯 just that I抦 really happy for you. That抯 just . .
. that抯 incredible.
JANE:
I don抰 have any more napkins.
ALISON:
I don抰 care. I look like crap anyway. I抦 really happy for you. You deserve
this.
JANE:
You抮e not saying that to get into my pants, are you?
ALISON:
No. No, I抦 sorry about all that. I really am. I抦 so . . . I gotta go.
JANE:
Where are you going?
ALISON: Home. I抦 not that drunk. Listen, I抦 really glad for?o:p>
JANE:
Sit down. Stay a while.
ALISON: I can抰. I抦 all messed up. I came here to do something really stupid and low, and you deserve better than that. I need to go home and get my head?o:p>
JANE:
I told Sheri at the bar to call you and get you here. Sit down.
ALISON:
[pause] What?
JANE:
I was looking for you. I checked at Lilly抯 Tavern in Swedesville, where you
told me you used to hang out, and they said you moved to Middleton and might be
here. Sheri knew you, so I told her to call you and get you to come over here,
as a favor for me. Plus I gave her fifty bucks. Sit down. Thanks.
ALISON: Why? Why抎 you?o:p>
JANE:
Because I liked you, too, a long time ago. And I wanted to see you again, see
how you were.
ALISON:
You抳e got to be kidding me. After what I was going to do, you still want to
see me?
JANE:
Yeah.
ALISON:
[pause] I don抰 get it.
JANE:
We抮e two unattached bi women who used to like each other a lot, sitting in a
lesbian hangout in Middleton. Think about it a little longer, see if a little
bell rings.
ALISON:
Uh . . . oh.
JANE:
I thought a lot about you, last few years.
ALISON:
You did?
JANE:
I did.
ALISON:
When you weren抰 thinking about Daria?
JANE:
I was thinking about you, actually, more than Daria. She happened to be there
when the dam broke. It ruined our friendship, and I really regret it, but I
tell myself it couldn抰 have been helped. It still hurts, but . . . you were
the one I was thinking about most. It was you.
ALISON:
Wow. Oh, my God. [pause] I thought a lot about you, too. I kept thinking about
how I screwed everything up, though. I had something there, I had something
really great, and I flushed it all down the toilet for the chance to screw an
egomaniac who gave me VD and was an abysmal lay, too. He was the worst. And to
top it off, he didn抰 even get my work into a show like he said he would, and
he dumped me two days later, just like that, before I could even get around to
dumping him. God, listen to me go on. I got what I asked for, I guess. [pause]
I still like you. That can抰 mean anything now, I know, but . . .
JANE:
It does.
ALISON:
[pause] What was it you liked about me, again?
JANE:
You laughed at all my smart-ass jokes.
ALISON:
Yeah. I remember you told one that almost made me pee my pants. You were
imitating Dotson on a nature hike, trying to make it with a squirrel because he
couldn抰 find an art student to make it with, and I had to run out of the room,
I was so?[laughs] God, I almost didn抰 get to the bathroom in time. I just
made it. That was so funny. You always had something to say.
JANE:
I had more of a sense of humor in those days. Seems to have gotten away from me
lately.
ALISON:
Hey, I said that.
JANE:
No, I did.
ALISON:
Liar, I did. You can抰 steal what I said.
JANE:
Yes, I can. Anatole France said if someone says something and says it well,
have no scruple, but take it and copy it. Or words to that effect.
ALISON:
You抮e a word thief. And you were trained by the French, too. You have a lot of
Gaul.
JANE:
I . . . oh, now, that was really bad.
ALISON:
You deserved it, word thief.
JANE:
I抳e been called worse.
ALISON:
You probably deserved it, too.
JANE:
I抦 proud to say that most of the time, I did.
ALISON:
[laughs] You sound like the Jane I knew.
JANE:
And if you could just get a really bad attitude about everything, you抎 sound
like the Alison I knew.
ALISON:
[laughs] Well, hey, I can work on it. [pause] Look, I . . . I抣l just say it. I
want to stay and talk, but those beers I drank before I came over are taking
effect, and if I don抰 go home now, I won抰 be able to make it into work
tomorrow.
JANE:
I can抰 let you drive home in your condition. I抦 going to have to insist that
you get some rest. Here.
ALISON:
No, really, I抦 fine right now . . . hey, wait. That sounded familiar.
JANE:
I promise not to kick you out of bed in the morning, unless you抮e snoring.
ALISON:
[pause] You抮e drunk, Jane Lane.
JANE:
Not quite. Almost, but not quite. I can hold my liquor pretty well.
ALISON:
You抮e making a pass at me.
JANE:
I抳e been making a pass at you since the moment you walked by my booth. Jeez,
you抮e thick.
ALISON:
Are you saying I抦 fat? [laughs]
JANE:
[laughs] Finish your beer, or I will.
ALISON:
Let抯 just pour it out and say we drank it.
JANE:
Okay.
ALISON:
What was it you liked about me, again?
JANE:
Your perfect memory.
ALISON:
Yeah, I forgot about that. Whew. I guess I still can抰 believe you抎 want to
see me after I got you drunk and tried to take advantage of you.
JANE:
It was my damn charisma acting up again. Couldn抰 be helped. At least you
didn抰 try to steal one of my boyfriends.
ALISON:
Christ, you can steal one of my exes if you want. You can have any of them.
JANE:
Is it okay if I take them back to the store and get a refund instead?
ALISON:
I抳e tried. It won抰 work. Can I ask you something?
JANE:
Sure.
ALISON: Have you . . . did . . . I mean, since?o:p>
JANE:
After I kissed Daria? No.
ALISON:
Oh. I almost can抰 believe that. I mean, someone like you, you could have
pretty much anyone you wanted.
JANE:
[pause] I wanted to see you.
ALISON:
[long pause] Um . . . me?
JANE:
You.
ALISON:
[sniffs] You know, I was thinking I should call in sick tonight to my
supervisor. My eyes seem to be running a lot, and so is my nose. My throat
hurts, too. Could be a cold or something.
JANE:
Wait. Linda? Can we get some extra napkins, please?
LINDA:
Sure. Is everything all right here?
JANE:
Yeah, things are all right. Finally.
ALISON:
I should take a sick day tomorrow.
JANE:
Stay in bed and rest.
ALISON:
I think I抎 like that.
JANE:
I would, too.
ALISON:
Jane . . . I don抰 want to break up the mood, but I抦 really sorry about Daria.
I know she meant a lot to you.
JANE: Yeah. Thanks. If I could have anything in the world right now, I抎?o:p>
ALISON:
Get Daria back.
JANE:
No. No, that wasn抰 it at all.
ALISON:
That wasn抰? I thought . . . what would you want, then?
JANE:
A new best friend.
ALISON:
[pause] Best friends sort of just happen. You can抰 plan them out.
JANE:
I know.
ALISON:
But if it was possible at all, I抎 like to be . . . I hope that抯 your foot and
not someone else抯 that going up my leg.
JANE:
It抯 mine.
ALISON:
Uh . . . I抎 better call in sick now, or I never will.
JANE:
Want to use my cell phone?
ALISON:
I have one. Boss might have caller ID, and I抎 rather my number showed up
instead of yours.
JANE:
Call from upstairs. The room抯 pretty much soundproofed.
ALISON:
You know this for a fact.
JANE:
I do. I used to sleep there while my brother Trent抯 band was playing.
ALISON:
Let抯 go, then.
JANE:
Let抯.
ALISON:
Do I really look fat to you?
JANE:
Oh, shut up.
ALISON:
Do I complain too much?
JANE:
Stop bitching and go!
ALISON:
[laughs]
Original:
08/24/04, modified 10/28/04
FINIS