Making the Breast of It
?005 The Angst Guy
(theangstguy@yahoo.com)
Daria and associated
characters are ?005 MTV Networks
Feedback (good, bad, indifferent,
just want to bother me, whatever) is appreciated. Please write to:
theangstguy@yahoo.com
Synopsis: A ficlet about an
alternate-universe superheroine with two big problems.
Author抯 Notes: This story first appeared on PPMB in July 2005 in the thread, 揝cenes No Daria Fic Should Ever Have: What Have We Created??o:p>
Acknowledgements: Thanks to WacoKid for the astounding Power Girl pic
he located on the Internet. Just like Brittany! Loved it!
*
牋牋牋牋牋?Brittany Taylor, also known as the
super-powered Cheerleader, sighed as she inspected herself in her bedroom
mirror. No matter what she did, the top of her superhero costume always
billowed out and exposed her breasts whenever she flew at speeds exceeding 30
mph. Normal blouses and bras could not stand up to the punishment that a
fast-flying, crime-fighting life could dish out. Even turtlenecks swiftly stretched
out of shape and had to be discarded. It wasn抰 fair that all the other
superheroes got skintight costumes made from unstable molecules that did
whatever those heroes wanted their costumes to do. Why was she always on the waiting list for an unstable-molecule suit?
牋牋牋牋牋?With a sigh, she picked up the most recent letter she had gotten from Feisty
Love抯 Ultra-Feminine Fabrics, informing her that her request for a new costume
had been put on the backburner due to a shortage of unstable molecules, and was
about to throw it away when she noticed the list of company board members at
the bottom of the page. All of the board members were Ruttheimers, every man in
the family.
牋牋牋牋牋?And the president of the board was millionaire
playboy Charles Ruttheimer III, also known as Upchuck梙er nemesis.
牋牋牋牋牋?Brittany
hissed so sharply that every canine in Lawndale ran and hid under the nearest
couch. She flung open a window and rocketed out at top speed, heading for the
company抯 headquarters in Brest, France, heedless of what the acceleration did
to her outfit. She had to throw away her blouse when she arrived, but that
worked to her advantage.
牋牋牋牋牋?The headline
of the Lawndale Sun-Herald on the
following morning was lurid and bold: SUPERCOSTUME EXECUTIVES FOUND SUFFOCATED IN THEIR
OFFICES; FOUL PLAY SUSPECTED!
牋牋牋牋牋?Brittany lowered
the newspaper and smiled down at her oversized cleavage, now nicely tucked into
a classy blouse made from unstable molecules, with a neckline that wouldn抰
billow open even during a 100,000 mph atmospheric reentry followed by a spinning
corkscrew into the ocean, head down.
牋牋牋牋牋?One
should always be careful with one抯 murder weapons, she thought, giving
herself a jiggle. It had been murder, true, but on the good side, the
Ruttheimer men had died happy.
Original:
08/05/05
FINIS