Aunt Kara
(The Very
Short Version)
?005 The Angst Guy
(theangstguy@yahoo.com)
Daria and associated
characters are ?005 MTV Networks
Feedback (good, bad, indifferent,
just want to bother me, whatever) is appreciated. Please write to:
theangstguy@yahoo.com
Synopsis: When Helen Morgendorffer抯
youngest sister (the 搘ild one?from Hollywood) comes to visit, guess which
member of the family gets the biggest surprise!
Author抯
Notes: This
tale grew out of an April 2003 PPMB discussion of Mary Sue tales and other
forms of self-insertion fanfic. At some point, the idea came to me to have
fanfic author Kara Wild, creator of the Driven Wild Universe, appear in a
ficlet as the youngest of the Barksdale sisters (Helen, Rita, and Amy). The
original story grew to enormous length as others added in their own
contributions to the tale. This ficlet is the stand-alone start of the 揂unt
Kara?epic.
牋牋牋牋牋?Readers interested seeing in the
whole sordid Very Long Version from PPMB, complete with the rude comments and
heckling of the original group of readers, plus a large number of amusing additional
ficlets, are directed to this link on Kara Wild抯 Contrarian Corner (PG-13
rating):
http://www.the-wildone.com/fanfics/rm_fics/auntkarappmb.txt
Acknowledgements: This story is for the great
Kara Wild, because it seemed like a good idea at the time. 8D
*
牋牋牋牋牋?揌elen? Is this the sister you always fight with, the
sarcastic sister with glasses, or the Hollywood sister??Jake Morgendorffer
called for the third time that morning. A moment later, the doorbell rang.
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, stop worrying, Jake!?Helen cried. She opened the front door. 揔ara!?she cried, and threw her arms around the smiling young woman standing in the summer sunlight. 揝o good to see you again!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, God,?Jake moaned from the kitchen.
牋牋牋牋牋?揑t抯 okay, Dad,?Daria called to her father. 揧ou don抰 have to drink the whole pitcher. Save a martini for later.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揂unt Kara!?Quinn shouted, stampeding downstairs from her room to join in the hug. 揟hank you for the gift certificate to Cashman抯! I filled up my whole closet! And those business manager classes turned out to be super! Even my friends in the Fashion Club signed up for it!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揧ou really overdid it with the birthday presents, Kara,?said Helen, 揵ut I抳e used three of those all-day massage and aromatherapy pampering certificates this month already. I feel like a new person!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揟hat抯 wonderful,?said Helen抯 youngest sister. 揑抦 just on my way to New York and thought I would drop in for a few minutes.?Kara looked at her glasses-wearing niece. 揂nd how are you, Daria??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揊ine, and thank you for sending me to that creative writing workshop in Seattle,?Daria said, fighting an impulse to smile broadly. 揟hat was the best weekend I抳e had since before Quinn was born.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揇id Bantam and Dell get in touch with you about your manuscripts??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥hat??Helen looked from her youngest sister to Daria in astonishment. 揥hat抯 going on??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h.?Daria blushed. 揑 wrote something at the workshop
on that wireless laptop Aunt Kara gave me, and棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揂nd there抯 a bidding war going on over it,?finished Kara in triumph. 揧ou might see a Melody Powers novel in paperback at Books by the Ton any day now!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙hmigod!?cried Quinn in distress. 揝omething you wrote is going to be published? With your name on it? Did you tell everyone that you抮e my sister? I抣l be totally humiliated!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Daria surrendered to the grin. 揟hanks, Aunt Kara,?she
said with feeling.
牋牋牋牋牋?揘o problem, dear,?Kara said, and gave Daria a hug and a kiss on the forehead. Kara then looked brightly around the living room. 揂nd where抯 . . . Jake??o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揓ake!?Helen shouted. 揅ome and say hello to my little sister!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揂ll right, damn it!?said Jake from the kitchen. He
walked out with shoulders slumped, hands in his pockets, and head down. 揌i,
Kara, good to see you again,?he said, then turned before he reached her and
headed back to the kitchen. 揑 have to go to the garage and fix something for a
few days, just call me if棓
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, no no no no!?cried Kara, seizing Jake抯 arm in a vicelike grip. 揑 have a present for you, too!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揙h, no!?cried Jake, unable to escape. 揌elen! Don抰 let her do this!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋??i style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>Jake!?snapped Helen. 揝top being a child, and go see what it is!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?Kara dragged Jake through the front door, prying his
fingers from the doorframe. 揑抣l be right back!?she told her sister and
nieces with a smile. She grabbed the knob and shut the door, smashing many of
Jake抯 fingers in the process, then dragged him down the sidewalk to the street
as he whimpered. An ambulance waited for them there.
牋牋牋牋牋?揟his is for your own good, Jake,?Kara said, signaling the medical crew to approach. 揑抳e signed you up for six weeks of nonstop rational-cognitive-behavior-reality therapy at a private clinic on a ranch in Montana.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揥hat??Jake cried. Four burly medical attendants grabbed him. 揌elen!?he shrieked at the house. 揑t was a trap!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揝ave it for the shrinks, Jakey,?said Kara. 揧ou抮e going to get straightened out or die in the process. Helen told me what you said about her in family therapy at that Quiet Ivy retreat.?Kara leaned in close as the attendants put the straightjacket over Jake抯 struggling figure. 揘o one says that about a sister of mine and gets away with it. No one.?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?揗ad Dog sent you!?Jake screamed as the attendants dragged him into the ambulance. 揑 knew it! You抮e his vengeance from beyond the grave! But you won抰 break me! You won抰! GAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!?o:p>
牋牋牋牋牋?The doors on the ambulance slammed shut. Kara watched as
the vehicle pulled away from the curb and headed down the street for the local
airport. Jake抯 bruised fingers clawed for a moment at the window before a
hypodermic needle flashed into view, and the burly attendants pulled him back.
牋牋牋牋牋?Kara sighed and dusted off her hands, then walked back up
the sidewalk. At least now, when she told Helen and the girls she was taking
them to Manhattan for the rest of the week, no one would be around to spoil the
fun. Whistling 揘ew York, New York,?Kara opened the door and went in to give
her second-biggest surprise.
Postscript: 揂nd Jake never *did*
return from that correction facility. . . .?桲ara Wild.
Original: 5/18/03, modified
04/08/05
FINIS